Run the Night Away

01 May 2017

up on the main road, about 4 miles from my house  

I did something tonight that I haven't done in awhile.  Probably, longer than a year ago.  And for those of you that have known me for a long time, you are going to fall off your chair when you find out, because it will not compute in your brain that I have not been doing this all along.

I went for an evening run.

I need not explain to my friends and roommates that date back to my years of single womanhood, because I went for an evening run every single night.  And sometimes not just one.  Sometimes two.  And not just little jaunts around the block.  Miles upon miles.  Hours upon hours.  I was many things back then, but I was mostly a Runner.

If a line graph were presented of my running mileage history, you would see the decline when Ryan and I began entering the serious zone of dating.  And once married, and now baby, the line is like one dot every couple of weeks.  Not because I'm lazy or demotivated, but because I never feel like I can soak up enough time with Ryan.   I just want to be with him, especially in the evenings, so I switched up my fitness to morning workouts and afternoon boxing classes. 

Except tonight.  Tonight was incredible.

I went to boxing class and gave a real solid, panting effort.  And then afterwards, I peeled myself away from my family and put on my ragged running shoes.  I estimate that I ran 7 miles.  And man, does it feel good.  I forgot what this feeeels like.  Talk about mentally rewarding.  While I run, my mind just wanders as it pleases, always a pleasure for me.  And something about the evenings bears the beauty of nostalgia.  Perhaps being surrounded by the setting sun and then the unwinding of the day.  Many times my runs have extended into the blackness of night, and I feel moved beyond everything in front of me and into the deeper nourishment of my soul.

That's why evening runs are so special to me.  As I run, I think about all sorts of times in my life - all these people and hilarious times and meaningful events.  And I feel generously wrapped up in blessings.  All fresh and content.  And sweaty and stiff ;)

I see it as a very great benefit that I have an outlet that makes so happy.  Because.... I need it.  Life, no matter how great, perhaps always needs a plug of endorphins for something or another.  And for me these days, try as I may to find a sense of belonging and tribalhood in my new life of mommydom, there are roadblocks that I'm still hurdling.  I've been on this uphill course for awhile, slowly wiggling my way into budding friendships.  Curse you shyness!  And the slow process you require of building friendships.  And also my conflicting, sensitive heart that craves real deep relationships real fast, but also, has trust issues and hurt and walls. 

But after this run, I feel like I am in my right mind again.  I see the blessings of forming relationships, the love of loyal old friends, and I'm also feeling the boisterous confidence that comes from a good, long, hard run.   Life feels millions of miles better when you enjoy yourself and the life you had and have and are headed for.

Ah Running, thank you old friend.  You prove yourself trustworthy and reliable time and time again.

Upward and onward,

* Random post-script.  In boxing class today, one strand of hair from my ponytail somehow got stuck to the end of my punching glove (lots of sticky sweat).  So when I went to swiftly punch the boxing bag, the one single strand of my hair went with the force of my glove and was ferociously ripped right out of my head.  Ahhh ow ow OW!  As people around me are training to be punched in the face in a boxing ring (or hopefully not punched, if they are good), I'm all freaking out because one hair was aggressively plucked from my head.  Haha!


Little spaces and places

Bath time for Miss Char!  Right after we shared my green smoothie breakfast :)  

(haha, this girl!!!)

Charlotte loves her little bath and splashing all around.  Meanwhile, I kneel beside her on the soft rug, while we listen to Amos Lee in the ambiant bathroom lighting.  Love these little moments. 

"Mom! I'm bathing!" 

Besides hanging out on the bathroom floor, these are some other scenes where Charlotte and I hang out.

Charlotte's library with some toys down below.  We read and rattle and eat the books.  (she does).

I love this little space!  I feel so much joy every time I open the door.

Charlotte's rocking chair.  With the most incredible fox quilt that my friend Emily sewed for her. 


And Ryan and I's favorite lately, the teething tablets pedastool!


All the little spaces and little places with Miss Char.

Upward and onward,

A first time for the two of us

Well, there is a first time for everything for a child.  But it's really special when you get to experience a first with your baby.  And on Saturday, Charlotte and I got to put on our snow gear and mow the lawn.  At the end of April.  (I say snow gear, but no, I did not go attempt to mow my grass under a sheet of snow.  It was just cold enough that we needed our eskimo outfits).

When I put on Charlotte's snow gear, she was wiggling all her little limbs but could not move.  It was so funny!  I could not stop laughing as she just laid in this position on the ground, staring happily at me:

HAHAHA!  Oh this kills me every time.

Upward and onward,

The Joy to be Sealed

28 April 2017

Ryan and I woke up early to go to a temple sealing this morning for my former roommate, Julie.  Ready for another puzzle?  Julie is my friend who introduced Ryan and I, and she ended up marrying the younger brother of Ryan's childhood best friend, whose mom is Ryan's mom's best friend.  It has all been very fun.  And very confusing for me.

I've heard stories of Ryan's best friend "Stuart" since the dawn of our relationship.  And lo and behold, on the way to the temple, another Stuart memory came into our conversation - about eight year old Stuart wanting to find another way he could fast, so he decided to refrain from going to the bathroom for 24 hours.  Hahaha!  Ryan hasn't seen Stuart since he moved away when he was nine years old, so it was fun for Ryan to see him again and for me to finally meet this character.  Stuart's wife said the exact same thing to Ryan when she met him, saying she hears stories all the time too, ha!  And it was fun to watch Ryan and Stuart have a reunion and eavesdrop on them catching up through the last couple decades, as we followed the bride and groom through the chilling April snow.

And what was even more special for me was sitting through the temple sealing with Ryan.  First of all, I love being in the temple so much, because you feel so much love for all people.  I really feel the kinship and heavenly family ties for every person in the room, and I just feel so much divine love that I can't wait for the next life when we will be more connected and knowing of each other! 

And also to hear the words of the sealing ordinance again and to remember how special it is that I have that with Ryan.  There is so much meaning and joy in marriage, and it is exciting to watch a new couple make that covenant.  I love it!  I loved feeling Ryan's warm presence next to me and reminiscing back on our big day and how perfect it was!  When Julie and Sam first kneeled across the altar, I remembered when Ryan and I did the same.  I saw Julie wink at Sam, and I remember smiling at Ryan and his eyes were all watery.  And now....

We have a house and a silly baby and so many blessings!  I felt today in the temple that life gets sweeter as it goes, and I believe that is true.

And because today, I have not stopped reminiscing on our wedding day, a few pictures!


Upward and onward,

Dancing with A Star

27 April 2017

 A little family hello while I was away at boxing class!

Ryan and I have taken it upon ourselves to slowly give every reality tv show a fair critique.  Okay actually that's me.  But Ryan will watch whatever show I'm currently into. 

Recently, we have been looking forward to watching an episode of Dancing With the Stars each week. 

This show is actually really good.  I'm kicking myself for not watching it sooner.  A show is "really good" when you can enjoy it and make fun of it at the same time.

So we streamed the latest episode last night and afterwards, like I do each week, I start begging, "Ryan, dance with me!"  And we act as if we know the differences between the samba and the mambo and the rumba.

But last night, I forgot to request a dance before we locked up and shut down our house for the night.  As we were both standing in our walk-in closet getting ready for bed, I remembered that I needed a dance.

So, Ryan and I slow-danced in our little closet, half in our pajamas and half in our regular clothes.  There was just enough space to spin and slow dance.  Not really enough room for a waltz.  We laughed and laughed, and it was such a sweet time.

Marriage just gets better and better as time goes on.  I always think about this, but after being married to Ryan and learning more about him and who and how he is, I only like him more, and we just get along so well and so easily.  I'm really grateful for Ryan and our companionship and all our sweet moments at day's end.

Upward and onward,