Hubby Half Marathon

21 June 2017


Two Saturdays ago, Ryan and I ran a half marathon together!  

This started out as a decision back in November, right after Charlotte was born, to run a marathon.  Well, Ryan ran about 2 miles a few times.  And I ran up to 8 miles a few times.  And our commitment to the time involved in training went elsewhere.  He stayed more high-spirited for his soccer games, and me with my boxing.  So we shifted to a half marathon, and we had one heck of a time doing that.  

It was probably the least intensive race I've ever run.  It was basically husband and wife off on a morning stroll.  Though the morning stroll did start with an alarm clock at 3:30 in the morning.  Getting ready.  Meeting a bus.  Riding to our race spot.  Camping with a thousand other people.  And then starting the run at the 6:00 am gun time. 

Ryan and I later remarked that this race was more the production of the entire experience and less about the run.  Because we took the run easy and it wasn't bad at all.  We talked and talked.  About Charlotte, about our lives, about our goals and dreams.  It was all so nice.  I love quality time with Ryan, because I love his listening ear and his mind.

Though, my favorite part, about 7 miles in, Ryan looked over me and said, "You're so pretty.




Starting Race Selfie:


 Ending Race Selfie!

Upward and onward,



FHE for the win

For Family Home Evening on Monday, Charlotte called out the window to Ryan and said:

 

"Hey Dad!  Let's go to Jamba Juice."

Those were her first words.

So we had a little spiritual lesson.  And from there, we'll work this story backwards with some pictures:



Why is Charlotte half naked?  You may be wondering.  (At least that's what I wanted you to notice from those photos).

Answer:  Because I did not foresee the ramification of my choices at lunch time when I fed her a whole container of prunes.  She liked them, and I liked that she liked them, so I let her eat all of them.  And then, several hours later, when we ventured out for our sweet pre-dinner treats, Charlotte somehow achieved the most inverted diaper explosion we've seen yet.  More on the outside than on the inside.   So we stripped her down and cleaned her up and dressed her with what we had - one pair of pink polka-dot pants.

Boy, does our baby look cute wearing only those.


Then, our FHE proceeded with Charlotte going home to bed, and Ryan grilling up a tray full of chicken legs.  And we got to end our night licking our salty, greasy fingers.

It was a glamours night for everyone.

Upward and onward,



Hiking Rose Canyon


Nap time!  And I am going to take advantage of it by sitting here and writing as many words as I can before our Little Princess wakes up.

On Saturday, we drove out to the canyon just west of our home, and our little family embarked on a hike.  I heard rumors that something spectacular was at the end of the hike.  Though, there were many trails; we didn't know how long each of them were; or which one even led to the special place; or what the end prize even was.  A waterfall, an overlook, a cave, a new country.  I also don't know if I made up this rumor in my own head, and then started the passing of it.  Regardless, we hiked quickly in hopes of finding out.  But alas, after hiking for about 1.5 miles, I got the mama's intuitive hunch that it was time for us to turn around.  A baby has got her life to live, and it ain't in the backwoods of a mountain.

Needless to say, we hiked back out, and as soon as we crossed the bridge to our car, Charlotte was ready for some food and a nap.  Mothers know.

However, the hike was gorgeous.  We found large stick teepees, streams, and endless trails veering away.  We were lost in a field of trees, and the rest of the world was so far away.  It was a really great time, and I look forward to going back very soon.

And also, what is really at the end?  Is there an end?

 
 


Upward and onward,


The light of alignment

13 June 2017




Everyone, thank you! Thank you! 

I am feeling leaps and bounds better.  Even just in the process of writing my last post, I could feel such a huge release.  And in studying my scriptures; talking with Ryan, Nora, and a few of you; and getting a blessing, I'm steadily getting through this.  Thanks for reaching out to me.  

I always land in the same place, reaching the same conclusions I always do.  This place contains such truth, clarity, and a sense of awakening.  I feel a greater capacity within me.

Here's what I believe about all that.  Decisions we make either add light and vision to our life, or they subtract those things from us.  We choose transparency and a clear mind alongside the Spirit, or we choose the bendings and falsehoods of the devil, as innocuous as they seem in the moment.  But stepping down that path muddles one's mind to a degree; it dims the soul.  And to add light to one's way again, one can either break the facade and step back out.  Or, rationalizations, excuses, defenses, and strange circumventions of thought must be propped up.  Like rickety scaffolding with flickering latterns hung around.  And how limiting to one's vision is this artificial light?  How oddly does this cause one to think?  Especially if there is an addiction involved.  So trying to get inside that type of thinking is completely insane.  It will not make sense because it cannot make sense.

There is this book called  How Could You Do That?!: The Abdication of Character, Courage, and Conscience by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.  Have you read it?  It's phenomenal at making sense of all this.  If you have been severely affected by another's choices, asking endlessly:  why did they do that?  why do they keep doing that?  why is everything so convoluted and confusing, hidden and nonsensical, conflicting and so dang hurtful?  ultimately, why is there such a disconnect?

Answer:  because there is a disconnect.




I have been feeling such an abundance of friendship and love.  I can't believe I get to have the people in my life that I do, and even meet new people through this blog!  Funnily enough, one of my favorite things about all you people is that I find your thoughts and dealings so clear and aligned. 


Upward and onward,







image source

Handling Pain

11 June 2017



Ryan and I just finished giving Charlotte a bath, laughing at her as she splashed and splashed.  Then she'd turn to us with a big grin; then go back to splashing.  Just watching little ones brings so much joy.

Though switching gears, I've been inside my trauma for a couple days.  It's been lightly hovering for awhile, as new (material, yet validating) information popped up about what was really going on behind all the smoke and mirrors.  Then the last couple days I've been heavy in a tailspin.  I am sensitive by nature and things don't just breeze on by me as I wish they would (arg!  I'm really at odds about that sensitive side of me), but, I just am so darn baffled at the duality of everything that happened to me.  Why does nothing make sense and reflect such hypocrisy?  It sends me into the tornado of grief all. over. again.  I've been here hundreds of times, and it's still jarring and conflicting and confusing and maddening.

This is a lesson I've had to learn.  I cannot react to my pain.  I am too strong of feeling in a moment.  I have to practice the pause. It was a great big weakness of mine that I didn't understand back then.  Pain puts me to action.  I jump up and go full throttle to confront and solve the discomfort.  But that generally just means I overreact and do so hastily and angrily and with the uncontrolled temperament of a child, despite my best intentions of trying to face things head on.  Though, I don't see nobility in the opposite either - sticking your head in the sand and running from all your problems. ... ...

Although, everyone has some sort of Mr. Hyde, so it's easy for me to hold forgiveness for someone else's dark side when I can see my own.  We can all be muddled and ridiculous, extreme or empty.  We all act completely false to our natures when the hurt is bad enough.

But I am just in current grieving from that situation years ago, because there is still such a double standard.  I comb through my mind to the memories and just shudder - what a large house of secrets.  I hate being lied to.  I hate it.  I hate lying in all its forms. ... ...

Though all that is not here nor there, I just need to move through this pain, and get far far from it again.  Right now, I am just working on the art of the marinade.  Allowing my pain to storm while I just sit with it. The other morning, I laid in bed and opened up space inside of me for the full weight of grief.  And it was so heavy that I willed myself out of my body until it passed.  I wish I could stop feeling.  Instead, you just have to sit it in.  That is hard.  Have you mastered that?

Also, I'm going back to my Trauma Conversion Therapist.  She's my saving grace.  I'm so grateful that I found her and found the power of hypnosis to relieve trauma.

Lastly, I LOVE this scripture.  It is one of my favorites:  "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind"  (1 Timothy 1:7).  Even though trauma strips the ground from beneath me, we always have a space of soundness within us.  In the surge of darkness, there will always be a tiny little spot inside that says, "I am Infinite and Surrounded."  Divinity is there to assist, and I am a Greater Being than I realize.  That helps me cling and find hope.

That's where I'm at right now.  Friends, I could use an encircling of the wagons.

Upward and onward,







image source