I just finished reading an exerpt from Kate Heaney's book, Never Have I Ever. All about.... dating. Or for her, the lack thereof. It was really entertaining.
Dating is the one topic we can all relate to. The married folk may have to dig into some dusty archives. But still, dating is a place we've all been (or still are.....).
Dating & Me?
That's something I share very selectively. I mean, what more do people like to snoop about than your love life, and I don't mind genuine curiosity, but I could do without feeling like a gossip column. But boy, if you catch me at the right time, I offer a full comedy show of men I've encountered and dates I've had. They even have code names, which my friends recognize immediately when I reference them. The Bug. The Singer. And of course the one that has to hold all our contempt, The Unnamed.
Well, sometimes when I lay in bed at night - those nights when I can't sleep because I'm thinking about things that seem so important but when I wake up the next morning I'm angry at myself for staying up to contemplate something so stupid. Like road cones. Well on those nights, when I'm delusional from sleepiness, I assign metaphorical pictures to different parts of my life.
One night when my dating life came across my mind, up popped a picture of an arched bridge with a beautiful and secure cottage on one end. I stood on the other side, needing to cross the bridge to get to this stable and long-term relationship. I took a step onto the bridge and immediately trolls started grabbing my ankles and alligators started jumping out of the water smacking their jaws. I turned and ran off. That cottage can wait.
Other times, I picture two opposing magnets. With arms. And unfortunately, as much as those magnets intrigue and flatter each other, they just aren't getting any closer.
Or sometimes I just picture a circus with a bunch of clowns.
But this is my conclusion, which Kate Heaney reminded me of, that of all the situations and circumstances in the world where a sense of humor is necessary, it is with dating. What can be more frustrating then wearing a blindfold, while swinging a 50-pound hammer, and trying to hit a teensy weensy little nail on the head. Probably nothing. Because that's just what love-searching feels like sometimes. Or having your ankle grabbed by a troll.
So, let's end with two exhibits.
Exhibit A, a bookmark that my co-worker, Katie found in an old file and placed on my desk. Once the tears left my eyes from laughing so hard, I decided to keep this picture in sight. Because while we're on the subject of men, we need a completely overly cheesy picture of some. And also, this probably captures a man's nighttime delusions.
And Exhibit B: when the wrong girl stepped forward at the Bachelor rose ceremony, thinking her name was called, when it was in fact the girl in the red dress.
That's all for now. Off to get ready for a date.... ironically.
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