I'm reading about this woman and her tales of motherhood (see yesterday's soap box). The diaper blow-outs, the post-partum depression, the snotty-faced exasperated crying into her husband's arms (so sweet, right??). But it's not told in a wallowing kind of way. It's told in a Full House kind of way. Like, allow everything to get real messy before you cue the music and tie everything together in a paralleling lesson.
I just really appreciate her honesty about her life as it is in the day-to-day. She's a mother, and that is the truth of a mother's world. It's relateable to about every estrogenic species. Well here's some of my life honesty for you, though I am in a very different stage of life than her. Not motherhood. But datinghood.
I went to a cosmic dance party with Kersti and our buddy, Christian, last night. After we had become sufficiently sweaty, Kersti and I were standing next to the fog machine, under a string of pink balloons, talking about relationships. Suddenly, I remembered this book that I once read, after being suggested to me by my counselor, though I can't remember the title. It rang more true for me and my dating life than any other book I'd read to-date.
It was about women who are successful, who really apply themselves, or who have a considerable amount of talent or determination. And, as the theory outlines, some men are drawn to this type of woman, because she inspires him to reach higher for his own dreams. The man becomes particularly stimulated and hard-working, looking heart-eyed at the source of all this inspiration - the woman. But then, time goes on, and the man cannot sustain his motivation. He feels insecure, possibly inferior under the feet of this woman, and he begins to resent her. He'll feel like she changed him. He'll feel like her expectations are too high. He'll feel like it's her. And, often, he'll walk away.
Well here's my truth of it all. I cannot tell you how many times I have sat across the desk of my co-worker Katie, as she's held one hand solid, representing me, and her other hand symbolizing a little man running up the hill to reach me, and by the time he reaches the top, he's panting and gasping for air, and then his pace slows down and eventually he retreats back down. At this point, Katie has basically made a full-length film of my life with just her two hands.
But is it really on my shoulders to create a clear gap of inadequacy for him to fill? Because what of this world if women have to be less than they could be in order to be wanted? No. No way. Any conclusion I reach that I would not teach my daughters is one I should reassess.
Well, here's my true conclusion. I believe in action-based orient. I find men (including myself and people in general) passively retracting from feeling insufficient or personal insecurities. I hear them say "no given need" or "place for them to stand." A better approach would be taking action - "What can I do for you today?" And in that, they'd learn, love. I need love.
My man has to have that loving willingness.