Filled With the Silt of It

21 February 2014

If our Judgment was determined by sending one person up to The Gates to speak on our behalf - of our character and motives - I know exactly who I would send.  Or if for some reason, life mangles me until the very end, this person would certainly escort me up there bruised and bleeding.  And I for her.

Two girls who came together after their mothers started as cousins.  Now two women who hold the most supreme understanding of the other.  Who share their most closely-held thoughts and comprehend them completely.  Who are constantly impressed with the other's articulation and brilliance.  Who serve as each other's strongest anchors when any part of the world disappoints or fails.  We just get each other.  Twin Souls, is what I always say.  

So I say to my dear Lisa now:

to love life, to love it even when you have not stomach for it and eveything you've held dear crumbles like burnt papaer in your hands, your throat filled with the silt of it.  When grief sits with you, its tropical heat thickening the air, heavy as water more fit for gills than lungs; when grief weights you like your own flesh only more of it, an obesity of grief, you think, How can a body withstand this?

Then you hold life like a face between your palms, a plain face, no charming smile, no violet eyes, and you say, yes, I will take you and I will love you, again.

-Ellen Bass

Keep clinging.  As the night of my birthday years ago would have us remember, "We're all in this together."


  1. What's funny is in the second to last pic I was "being Chinese"..... Hence the squinty eyes and peace sign. Now I pose for pictures like a celebrity every day! Posing with the peace sign of course, the Chinese seem to love it after all. I exnaied the squinty eyes though. They like our big eyes.