The entire studio is getting a spice-up. Now is the time for my office.
It started with the lobby, which went from 80's shag to bright orange walls, neon green furniture, and lights that look like translucent hanging lollipops. Which all happened while I was in the Philippines, so when I came back, you'd understand why I walked into work and screamed. Though it was a scream of delight, mind you.
But since my office is in the crux of all studio traffic, and I always keep chocolate on my desk, I cultivate the most popular hang-out hub at work. And since everyone at the studio has 8,948 opinions about everything, I heard about the orange walls and lollipop lights for 38 hours of my work week. And since I had just come back from the Philippines where I slept in puddles and dirt half the time, I found it really obnoxious that orange walls and new carpet could disrupt people's worlds so much. So, admittedly, when an older dude was telling me his opinion for the 80th time that day - "what went out with the 70's should have stayed out," I finally said IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER. And giggled. To hide my severe annoyance. But that response was better then when I was driving down the freeway and full-on crying, sputtering to Mace "The houses here are so BIG! WHY DO WE LIVE IN SUCH BIG HOUSES?!" Those big houses really hurt my feelings.
God bless the Philippines.
So anyway, yesterday I had a meeting with the designers because it's now time for the finance offices to be renovated. One of the designers was an older man with piercing blue eyes and silver spiky hair. Like the spiky hair that NSync pulled off in the 90's. But still, he is probably the father of some super attractive children. And then the other designer was a girl a few years older than me. Her hair was super short in the back, but a longer, curly lion's mane in the front. And she wore this leather jacket with brownish fur puffed up around her neck, and had a slightly raspy voice, in a sensual kind-of-way. She was absolutely lovely. Mostly mysterious.
Alluring appearance must be all part of the designer's magic. Because they proposed this idea to me that had me nodding my head in a trance. "We should cut a hole in the wall here, and then when people need assistance, you slide the glass open and help them, and your office doors can stay closed to protect the safe." So I woke up this morning shrieking, "I'm not a bank teller! OR A ZOO ANIMAL! Do these people want me to be friendless?" So I jumped out of bed determined to maintain my status as the most popular person at the studio. I sped into work, and when Avril Lavigne started playing on the radio, I KNEW it was the designer magicians trying to keep me in a trance with more outdated 90's stuff.
When I pulled into the studio, I could see a man standing in my office window doing something with the blinds. They are starting renovation ALREADY!? It's only been 12 hours! Must. stop. them. So I ran in and called the Operations Manager, which ended up on Katie's line, where I told her, "Call NSync and the Lion Lady. We must come up with a new plan. And who is this guy in my office?" Turns out the man in my window had nothing to do with the design work. Minutes later, the Director of the whole studio came to my office laughing his head off. He kept laughing and laughing. So I laughed alongside him, unsure of what exactly we were laughing at.
Then he told me that so far, every person who has gone through a meeting with the designers has had this same reaction. The trance nod and then a panic.
And then he looked at my Vision Board, plastered with pictures of book covers and script design, because I'm determined to publish. Director Sir nodded his head at me. "Very impressive. That takes a lot of work." I die for his approval. Quick, self! Say something witty!
I mean Spicy Life!