Trading my Pillows for People

07 February 2014

It took me a solid light-year to get out of bed this morning.  

I'm experiencing this ever-growing fatigue, most likely from the high energy required at work.  And also an enigmatic foot pain that is keeping me from running.  But I know better than to run on an injury because last time I ignored a running pain, I ended up being wheeled to a van on a makeshift gurney that was really an office chair, wincing every time we hit a pebble, and then being carried into the emergency room leaving claw marks on a guy's neck.  Lots of tears were involved.  Lesson was learned.

So anyway, my energy has been continually depleting.  I spent one night this week in a hot bath, reading the entire book of Leadership & Self-Deception.  The next evening, I sat as still as possible at the kitchen table, with all the lights off, listening to one hundred TED talks on my phone.  Then I willed myself out of the house to a homemade dinner party with some girlfriends from college.

And ultimately, this morning, in the pre-sunrise morning darkness of my bedroom, caring about nothing more than snuggling with my warm blankets for the rest of my life.  While worldy problems - like needing to pee - worked hard to convince me otherwise.  Oh, and also, the weekend snowboarding trip I had planned with my brother and his wife.

Well, coincidentally, my cousin Lisa texted me with her same desire to also be an all-day-bed-inhabitor.  Sometimes fatigue and sadness are intertwined, so we talked through her world until she felt better.  I told her that I appreciate her honesty about the hard, as well as the good, and she said something that really touched me - "the thing I love about you is that you are so SAFE. I know that you will take the effort to truly understand what I am feeling and thinking. You are one of the very best listeners I know. And you are so talented at seeing the best."

To which I replied - People just don't know what to do with melancholy feelings.  I say, welcome them!  Rest there for awhile; it's okay.  I'm all about welcoming emotions as they come - not being afraid or suppressive of them.  Though, I choose to still have positive actions until whatever is weaving through my insides - fatigue or winter dreariness - is done processing.

So, I got myself out of bed by deciding to make another book!  Which is really something of a journal. If you are ever on a trivia game on public television that asks "Who Has The Most Journals in the World", you could put my name down.  Not that anyone would know who I am. 

Anyway, this book is called Dare to Be More.  Next to my collection of:

A River Runs Through It
One Day Stronger
Full Hearts Can't Fail 
Empirical Day
Still the Sun
& plenty of church journals
This book is going to be my place of inspiring people.  Including traits from specific people that I admire and all the people that empower me and invoke me to become more.  And also all the "dares" I give myself.  Something bold I tell myself to do.  A challenge.  Dare to be more.  

The first page is complete.  And the next 8 pages will be all about Mama and Leslie.

Off to go load up my snow gear.

Upward and onward,

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  1. Yes, I believe you would be a safe person to confide in. And telling of your kindness to listen to her and her troubles when you were probably also weighed down with your own. You are awesome, Chantel!

  2. I just read leadership and self-deception last month. Read it in one day. So interesting!

  3. Maybe the earth tilted funny on Friday. Most people I know had an "off" day on Friday. Hope you strive to get your energy back, if it's not already!

  4. I LOVE that you do this. What a fantastic idea. If I had a journal dedicated solely to people I admire, you can guarantee Chantel would have an entry all her own :) Thank you for sharing your love and kindness with so many people, me included. You are one of a kind and have such an ability to make people feel love and want to share love! And with that.... LOVE YOU! Seriously though.

  5. And I REALLY hope you conquer that fatigue soon! It sounds like such a no-big-deal symptom, but it can be a total B after a few days!