Words that Speak Louder

21 February 2014

a post I found in drafts from a couple weeks ago

Awake and thinking of three words.

This is it.  This phrase is the balm to my terrors.  Except for my terror of answering a FaceTime call at the wrong time - like when I’m laying on my bed after a hot bath wearing nothing but a towel.  Though, I'm sure there are many worse things than accidentally answering a FaceTime call naked, but I can't think of them right now.

I had come home late, after being gone for nearly a week because of work and visiting some family.  My ladies were downstairs watching the Olympics.  Oh how I love them, and oh how I love sitting in our basement with them, all snuggled up and distant from the rest of the world.  You always feel distant from the world when you’re burrowed into the ground.

So I went downstairs and curled up with them.  I was on my phone, semi paying attention to the asian killing it in figure skating, when a commercial break came on and Julie said, “Alright, time for an intervention.”  I looked up at her, and then looked at Cici to my left, thinking for some reason she was the object of said intervention - even though she is practically perfect in every way - and wondering why I didn’t know what was going on, since interventions are usually group discussed beforehand.  But Cici looked at me.  Then I turned and Julie and Kersti were looking at me too.

Oh.  Should I be vacuuming more?

“Chantel, we know you’ve been thinking seriously about moving to Salt Lake because of the convenience for work.  But we really don’t want you to go.  With all this time you have been away, we really miss you.  Last night when you stayed up in Salt Lake last-minute for work, I almost cried because I realized how much I would miss you if you left.  People like you aren't common.”

Cici echoed the same sentiments.  “We want to stay living with you.  We really like you!”  And Kersti chimed in, “Yeah, we would all really really miss you.  So we decided that at the end of our contract, we would all be willing to move to Salt Lake with you, if that’s what you wanted to do.”

Then my eyes watered up, and I didn’t know what to say.  “Oh Chantel!  We just love you.  We want to be with you.” 

We want you.

To be wanted.  Not just to be spoken at  - "love ya" "care about ya"  "just for today, maybe not tomorrow."  But a conscious decision and sacrifice of wanting.  A CHOICE.  That speaks over the top of empty breaths.  That delivers promise and loyalty.  That desires

My someday husband would be wise to say those three words often.  In the morning, at night, and many times in between.  Including untimely nakee FaceTime calls.

"He loved her, of course, but better than that, he chose her, day after day.  Choice:  that was the thing."

Sherman Alexie in The Toughest Imdian In The World

The morning I left for the Philippines.  Our goodbye faces:

Image Source


  1. oh this is just lovely. I have been thinking about this recently too. People say I love you frequently, but how often do they mean it deep down in the depths of their heart? I think missing someone is how you know you love someone.

  2. Love it. You have a wonderful way of telling an experience. I was laughing about the vacuuming and the next minute I wanted to cry because you have such dear friends!

  3. We do want you! We're the best family.