I went out to lunch with my girlfriend, Katie, last month.
Which all came to pass when her co-worker asked her again to set us up. I graciously declined his advance but said I'd love to meet up with Katie. So she reported back to him that I have turned him down a second time but she got a date with me out of it!
Some people win, and some people lose.
So Katie and I met up at my favorite cafe. I told her how I was watching a TV show while eating dinner the other night, and the characters were slicing small bites with their knives in the right-hand, and then quaintly eating the bite off the bottom of the fork with the left. And I was hunched over using both hands to push food into my open mouth.
I told her that I intend to work on becoming a prettier eater - as my mouth was full.
Then Katie reminded me about her birthday dinner last summer. We were at some super trendy grill downtown with Katie and her sister. And halfway through our order, the waitress and I made the connection that I'm good friends with her husband. She got so excited that before I knew what was happening, she wrapped her arm around my neck and smooshed my head into her chest.
Once I was released, I ordered a soup that I was so eager to try, but the waitress replied that the restaurant had just run out. Hmph. So I ordered a kale salad.
The waitress walked away to submit our orders and revealed the table that had just become vacated behind her. There, right between plates of half-eaten meals, was a half-eaten bowl of that exact soup!
I turned back around to Katie and her sister with a smile on my face. Katie knew. Katie always knows. So I asked her sister, "Would you judge me?" Which was more rhetorical than anything because I didn't really have time to determine if she was or wasn't the judging type. And besides, she didn't really understand what was happening anyways. And as everyone who meets me must learn at some point, nothing I do is ever predictable so you should probably just bring a raincoat and goggles whenever we hang out.
So I turned around and quickly snatched the bowl of soup from the table behind me. Then I pulled out my own clean spoon, because even though I eat other people's trash, stranger's germs are SO beneath me. I took a few bites until I was satisfied, and then offered some soup to my friends. Katie just laughed, and her sister looked at me a bit mortified. Assuming that was a no, I quickly put the bowl back on the table, right as the busser walked around the corner to clean up.
Let that man feel vindicated in my date decline.
Upward and onward,