Tonight after family games had been played and leftover Christmas dinner had been eaten, it was time to watch.... The Croods. I honestly wasn't expecting much, but it was one of Brennan's Christmas gifts that he was eager to watch, and I wanted to hang out with him. So I put my earlier Audrey Hepburn film on pause, and nestled into the couch with him and my parents to watch.
I loved the movie. I'll get to that.
But mostly, I LOVED being with Brennan. He was laughing SO much, as he always does. It's so easy to get him laughing, and he just keeps going and going. He's never anything but happy, calm, and easygoing. And tonight I thought about how Brennan is one of the people I feel most happy around. And when I see him experience any bad emotion, I can hardly handle it. Is that what parenting feels like? Feeling your child's emotions times 10? Because if so, I don't think I could even handle watching my child eat a pea. For example, yesterday Trevor and Brennan were playing a video game upstairs. I was sitting between them "meditating," which is what I tell Ryan is my Pinteresting time, ha! But after a round of the game, Trevor started taunting Brennan - "why aren't you fighting better!" "how are you not better at this!" The older brothers often tease Brennan. But this time Brennan said, "Stop Trevor! Stop teasing me!" Which means business coming from the always-happy-calm boy. So I stopped "meditating" and looked over at him. His lip started quivering and his eyes welled up with tears. It broke my heart. Sometimes you just need someone in your corner. So I flung my head the other way. Protective sister mode. "Trevor, encourage Brennan at what he does. Do not bring him down. Look at him, and then apologize." Trevor looked over and Brennan was looking down at his controller with sad tears. I saw Trevor look sad too. "Sorry Bren." Then I pulled Brennan close and just hugged him until he felt like playing again. It made me feel SO sad to see him that deflated, though Trevor was noticeably uplifting towards him for the rest of the day.
And then, earlier today, Brennan and I were downstairs just chatting. I was asking him about school, who he hangs out with, who his friends are. He didn't really have an answer. "Who do you sit with at lunch?" I asked. "I mostly just sit by myself." "Do people come sit by you? Are they your friends?" "Yeah, people come sit by me and sometimes talk to me. I don't know if they're my friends. I don't really hang out with them." He wasn't bothered by this, as it was just a fact to him, which is commendable that he's so comfortable and approving of himself during such a need-to-be-popular time. And I can understand why he is this way, because we live outside of all the neighborhoods so there's really no kids around, and Brennan is so much younger than the rest of us siblings that he's used to not having people his age to connect with. So probably at school, it feels normal to just be... more alone.
But that makes me feel so bad.
During the movie, as Brennan was laughing so hard next to me, and then as he grew tired, resting his head on my shoulder, I thought about this. I thought what a tragedy it was for THEM, all those weirdo middle school kids. Because of every kid at that place, I'd want to hang out with Brennan. He's such a JOY to be around. Move over zitty tweens! Don't mind us laughing so hard about the caveman grandma who has nasty armpit hair.
I feel really really grateful that he is my brother and that I'm his "Best Friend." Whether he means that truly, or because he's been coaxed all his older siblings for so long that he's primed in his answers. But he is very much that role for me, as just being around him makes me SO happy. Two goofy peas in a pod.
And as for those cavemen Croods, well, I was seriously impressed. Nothing gets me like a feel-good movie with all these inspiring messages. I mean, who knew a movie about CAVEMEN would make me feel so happy. What I liked - besides Brennan hysterically laughing every time someone got punched in the face by a monkey or a rock, which was making it all equally hysterical for me - but I LOVED the following messages from the film:
-letting go of the way things have always been to allow for new ideas.
(Guy being a risktaker, which kept fueling better and better innovations. I believe in that!)
-find the differences in other people as a positive contribution.
(Guy and the dad having a heart-to-heart in the tar, and they accept each other and note how each is offering benefit)
-moving beyond tragedy and still being a stellar person.
(how Guy's family all died in a tar accident, and he never once let it hold him back)
-accepting ways you can be better and putting it straight to action.
(the dad realizing he could be more open to new ideas and more loving to his daughter. Changed the whole energy of his family. I loved that!)
It was good. It was all just so good. And texting Ryan during the whole film was also fantastic :)
Here's to hilarious brothers, positive messages, and gratitude towards having just the people we need.
Upward and onward,