Some notes on my recent thoughts:
- importance of self-belonging. One must cultivate the strongest ground of Self-Belonging.
- the Atonement makes such sense to me. Sometimes I need a therapist, to comfort me and listen to me with unconditionally judgment. And other times I need a coach yelling at me on the sidelines to pick my up my feet. Whether I'm in a phase of pushing forward or trying to merely just stand up, the atonement is relevant, providing a role for just what I need.
- improvement comes in more vulnerable layers the closer we are to God. Like that man in the Bible who comes to Christ and is urged to give up his riches. Yes, external. But as one asks again, "God, what would you have me bring to the altar of sacrifice now?" It's increasingly more internal, more attached to you. That brings a much more intimate pain.
- Entropy. That is the law of the universe that states things left to their natural state will move to disarray. Things don't naturally become more orderly. Forces bend and break, but forces don't make upright and repair. Except the atonement. The one thing to reverse the forces. The only law to set the glass of spilled milk upright.
- from C.S. Lewis's quote, I like to think of myself as a house renovation. I don't want to be one of those untouched pristine houses. Where you feel you shouldn't sit on anything, touch anything, or even breathe so you don't flick a speck of dust. But I also don't want to be one of those houses that seems to be overflowing into the yard, where "junkyard" is the title of their landscape. In other words, I don't want to be a house that is so perfect and unlived. But I also don't want to be a house that has never given thought to progression or order or upkeep. I want to in the middle of the spectrum. A house that is obviously lived in, where entropy and disarray is evident in places. But so is conscious improvement. Where it's evident that there has been a lot of falling, kneeling, and standing back up.
Upward and onward,