"How glorious the splendor of a human heart that trusts that it is loved."
Well, the night is done. at exactly 10 sharp. And Ryan and I sit on the close of our first chapter.
My night-colored car is parked just outside the front door and is filled to the brim with my belongings. Tomorrow begins the move into Ryan and I's new place after we are married. And Ryan is at a soccer game - I always have his presence accounted for in my mind too. (Haha, why I said "too"?? As if I have to consciously account for my own presence in addition...). Ryan texted me just before his game, wishing he could be here to help me pack, and also wishing I could be down there so I could be on the sidelines when he scores a goal for me.
But though the distance separates us, tonight as I packed and carried things in and out of the house, wrapped up glass vases with the sheets on my bed, walked along the kitchen counter to see on the top shelf of every cupboard, I thought about Ryan and I. Bridal brain. That's what I keep telling my roommates. Mostly that means how forgetful I am lately. Like making eggs for breakfast yesterday and coming home from work to find the shells still on the counter next to the pan - I'VE NEVER DONE THAT! But the other element of bridal brain is the endless swooning. I am really really in love with Ryan. But it's so much so that I find it really difficult to express to other people, as if the extreme passion will make people gag. But then at the end of the day, I just let this all soak in regardless. Why halt feelings so strong when it's such a joy to bask in them?
Ryan has always told me he's never experienced someone with a capacity to love like I do. That I make him feel appreciated and wanted like he's never experienced before. That makes me feel SO seen and received. And Ryan is equally loving towards me, saying his passion is ignited even more because of mine. We fit together in our capacity to love - because approaching love as a talent to continually develop isn't a choice for everyone. And Ryan seals the deal for me perfectly.
Sturdy and evenly-yoked. Well-matched, steady, and fluid. Happy and wonderful!
I am grateful everyday that I found Ryan. I am joyful every morning to wake up with the thought of being a forever companionship with him.
As my car is packed outside, we are ready for the second chapter. Ready to move and to marry. New spaces, new beginnings.
And living with Ryan and dumping this hour-long commute - YES PLEASE!
Upward and onward,
packed in my car!
Pictures of Ryan at a prior game :) Love watching him play.