I call back my serenity, my restfulness, my joy

17 October 2015


Meditation was a slow awakening for me.  One that I had to fast about in order to get a foot in the door.  My mind was like a child who had gone undisciplined for so long, that willing him to spend some time in perfect serenity yielded a more exhausting outcome.  But I sought after the intense peace of so many enlightened thinkers that I've read about.  I completely believe in painfree, heightened living.  But it takes dedication and time.

As I kept up with my practice of meditation, it became easier and easier for me.  I began meditating daily while sitting in front of a sun lamp.  The effects became so distinct that I began meditating twice a day.  Sometimes up to an hour a day.

And one Monday night, I engaged in an extremely strong meditation before bed.  Then I drifted off to sleep, after targeting areas of my body that felt pain - or were perhaps, to my best guess, the areas of me that were holding pain - endless frets, haunting memories, the deeper cuts - and I chose a color so I could clearly see them in my body.  Then I was guided to remove all of the parts of my body in that color.  Then I was to think about words such as: appreciation, security, tranquility, acceptance, and I was to give one word a color.  Then fill all of those gaps of removal of myself with that new color.  Then the meditation ended, and I drifted off to sleep.

I will never forget that Tuesday morning.

I awoke in a rush, because of my early morning meeting, and I darted out the door.  But I noticed this intense and extremely radiating light and energy charged inside of me.  I felt no pain.  Only acceptance, resilience, inspiration.  I wanted to go and do.  My energy and power and desire felt limitless!  I remember thinking in my meeting that I needed to plan, really plan my life, because with this level of awakening and peace, I could kick up the capacities of my life and live even more richly.  I thought about how often so much of my life is the pursuit to soften or cope with the stresses and pains of life.  I run after my hobbies as an escape or intense recharge.  But what amount of time would I have if I wasn't constantly recalling pieces of myself?  If I wasn't spending so much time trying to be re-whole, re-healed- re-safe, re-calm.  If I just woke up with no ounce of pain or worry anywhere in my body and was fully recharged in every moment.  The entire day I lived within a force of such elevation and serenity that the joy within me was so exquisite.

Wednesday arrived and I was back to the life I'm used to.  Happiness, but sights of pain.  Peace, but sights of worry.  Hard work, but recoiling into exhaustion.

But now I know that level exists.  I've experienced it.  Life can be the most expansive and joyous thing, if our minds can be trained for such.

I continue on with my meditations.

As Chelsea taught me to begin each day:  I call back all parts of myself.  The whole, the healed, the inspired, the uplifted.

And at night:  I leave the pieces within me that I have picked up throughout the day.  The things that are not mine or do not serve me.  I call back my serenity, my restfulness, my joy.

Upward and onward,

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