I call back my serenity, my restfulness, my joy
17 October 2015
Meditation was a slow awakening for me. One that I had to fast about in order to get a foot in the door. My mind was like a child who had gone undisciplined for so long, that willing him to spend some time in perfect serenity yielded a more exhausting outcome. But I sought after the intense peace of so many enlightened thinkers that I've read about. I completely believe in painfree, heightened living. But it takes dedication and time.
As I kept up with my practice of meditation, it became easier and easier for me. I began meditating daily while sitting in front of a sun lamp. The effects became so distinct that I began meditating twice a day. Sometimes up to an hour a day.
And one Monday night, I engaged in an extremely strong meditation before bed. Then I drifted off to sleep, after targeting areas of my body that felt pain - or were perhaps, to my best guess, the areas of me that were holding pain - endless frets, haunting memories, the deeper cuts - and I chose a color so I could clearly see them in my body. Then I was guided to remove all of the parts of my body in that color. Then I was to think about words such as: appreciation, security, tranquility, acceptance, and I was to give one word a color. Then fill all of those gaps of removal of myself with that new color. Then the meditation ended, and I drifted off to sleep.
I will never forget that Tuesday morning.
I awoke in a rush, because of my early morning meeting, and I darted out the door. But I noticed this intense and extremely radiating light and energy charged inside of me. I felt no pain. Only acceptance, resilience, inspiration. I wanted to go and do. My energy and power and desire felt limitless! I remember thinking in my meeting that I needed to plan, really plan my life, because with this level of awakening and peace, I could kick up the capacities of my life and live even more richly. I thought about how often so much of my life is the pursuit to soften or cope with the stresses and pains of life. I run after my hobbies as an escape or intense recharge. But what amount of time would I have if I wasn't constantly recalling pieces of myself? If I wasn't spending so much time trying to be re-whole, re-healed- re-safe, re-calm. If I just woke up with no ounce of pain or worry anywhere in my body and was fully recharged in every moment. The entire day I lived within a force of such elevation and serenity that the joy within me was so exquisite.
Wednesday arrived and I was back to the life I'm used to. Happiness, but sights of pain. Peace, but sights of worry. Hard work, but recoiling into exhaustion.
But now I know that level exists. I've experienced it. Life can be the most expansive and joyous thing, if our minds can be trained for such.
I continue on with my meditations.
As Chelsea taught me to begin each day: I call back all parts of myself. The whole, the healed, the inspired, the uplifted.
And at night: I leave the pieces within me that I have picked up throughout the day. The things that are not mine or do not serve me. I call back my serenity, my restfulness, my joy.
Upward and onward,