Replacing the Natural Mind with the Spiritual Mind

27 November 2015

I just finished a really great meditation session.

Yesterday was a painful day.  All of life's pains accruing together and weighing on me more and more.  Ryan and I are in my hometown for Thanksgiving weekend.  We had Thanksgiving at Angie's house.  And seeing her and Matt's new home, and the two spare bedrooms where children should be, knowing that all of that is on hold because of her failed IVF treatments in early fall, I just felt so empty.  I feel so much hurt for my sister, and it's making my own path of starting a family immediately painful.  And then of course my own pesky divorce trauma that just likes to pay its visit every now and then.  Same thoughts, same emotions.  I just have to wade through them, once again, for the millionth time.  It's funny how the subconscious just turns the platter of life experience around and around again, like I'm forever at a Thanksgiving feast where past year leftovers are re-served.

So, I woke up today and worked out in my parents bonus room.  I love that I have such great motivation in regards to my body.  That immediately gets me uplifted and going, all my mind workers back at their command station feeling upbeat.  Then I ate breakfast, cleaned a little, and settled in to read my scriptures on my mom's green leather couches, trying to lean in close to God for alleviation.  I kept getting a strong impression to meditate, stronger and stronger, so finally I went upstairs into my old bedroom and did a self-guided medication by first drawing energy and light through and around my body in rhthym with my breathe, and then I did a pain manager meditation to release all this pain another notch at the subconscious level.  I could feel myself growing bighter.  ANd then I sealed it with a new meditation on sustaining a high level of happiness.  Locking all of rit in.  My mood substantially shifted.  The pain withered away immediately and completely.  I was filled with energy and joy.  I love to be able to give testimony to the power of meditation!  I would love to teach meditation someday!

As I finished up the pain manager meditation, I began to feel like a hero. Instead of the thoughts Satan tells me of being weak and emotional, I began to see myself very differently.  That I actually carry a lot, and I carry and manage it very well.  I am a hero!  I just have a personality that carries my pain, and other people's pain.

In the book I'm currently reading, Light in the Wilderness, I read a passage about William Blake's interpretation of a man in this world.  That due to the finite capacities of our minds, we are all closed into our caverns with only narrow chinks in the walls.  We know we are in a fallen world from the Truth and Light that seeps through upon our peering out.  So we, as fretful seekers, know we are in a fallen world, and a full release of our mind and awareness of glories lies just beyond our perceptions.  We seek to continually penetrate that veil,widening our narrow chinks in the cave.  But, often we find this way obscure, fraught with conundrums, and the opposition to our transformation insuperable.  Life can feel as though it is a hopeless tangle.

How difficult it is to keep our Natural Mind's from running down the well-worn paths.  The same fearscapes playing over and over again.  Unchecked, our minds produce varying degrees of misery.  Like an ever-ending undercurrent.  But the Mind is not meant to run us, rather a tool to serve us.  Every person is within this battle and perhaps, only few learn to surmise it.  We have all thought to blame circumstances for our emotions, but in reality the circumstances only provoke what is already within, a mindset of turmoil or peace.

But how to not grip an emotion or a thought as it comes rolling through our minds?  How to let them pass and not take a heavy, distressing seat?  How to really believe that perhaps the majority of our thoughts are indeed not our own, but only ever-circulating negative states of mind, originating since the fall of Adam and Eve, and recycling through every mind ever since?  What are we behind all of that, really?

Infinite.  Living as an open expanse of energy, rather than a caved up being doing endless pain management.

Meditation helps me reach this point of enlightenment where I feel I am more light, less body.  More clarity and joy, less tangle of a mind.  More whole, less fragmented.

You are the universe, expressing itself as human for a little while.  - Eckhart Tolle

Upward and onward,

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