The One that was Just Right
24 May 2016
Today, I found my midwife.
Which was exactly like picking a second soulmate. You have to know deep, deep down that they are "your person."
Because a midwife is such a personal, spiritual facilitator. A relationship that must be so secure and trusting and connected. A person available to you for something so intimate and wonderful as bringing a child into the world.
And also, who else besides Ryan gets to see my full-grown woman body naked.
My search for a midwife turned out just like the story of Goldilocks and the 3 bears. Perhaps, that is actually the meaning behind that story. We just never understood because we were 7 when we heard it, and when you're 7, you don't understand that other human bodies will be coming out of you someday, so no one mentions that in the children's tale.
I had left work early, so that I could drive around to the 3 birth centers in my vicinity. I had pre-scheduled appointments at each one, spaced out just perfectly so I could bounce from one to the next. I had a notebook with my with my questions that I've been accruing as I have been studying birthing. The questions were divided between generic birth center questions, and then I had a section for "MMEO" - My Midwife's Eyes Only. Which I would ask at a later point once connection had been established.
The first birth center was pleasant. Polite. But it was very small. A hundred year old home turned birth facility. Tight hallways. Small staircases. Which for a full-term pregnant lady, that's the last type of space she would like to be in. Of all the concerns a near-birthing mother should have, fitting down the hallway shouldn't be one of them. I enjoyed the midwives, but I didn't want to sync journals and trade ankle bracelets with them. This was the bear that was too small. So I drove onward.
My middle appointment is where the magic happened. Which will be left unexplained for now. With one more appointment, I completed my route and drove on.
My last appointment felt too grandiose. It was a very well-established birth center. The facility was very mature and had a strong clinical energy. Many other client appointments were bustling in and out, and I waited in the lobby for quite some time, observing the activity. The staff was very busy and once my turn came, they shook my hand loosely and then kind of forgot the point of my appointment, asking me about 10 minutes into our meeting if I was there for the student midwifery program. So not close. Once I re-established that I'm pregnant, I was informed that the midwife students do all the work and the actual midwifes stand back and observe. Alright then. Sounds.. very not intimate and rather unnerving. The energy was just off the whole time. This was the bear that was too big.
So I drove home and thought back to my second appointment. An experience I'd gladly re-live again and again.
As I entered that facility, both women behind the desk greeted me by name. It feels good to be so expected and recognized from the start. Both women stood up to introduce themselves to me, and they shook my hand with firmness. Immediately the energy was warm and inviting. They instructed me back around the counter and down the hallway into the meeting room. It was like a big kitchen / family room. And there, the three of us sat in a circle in front of a lit fireplace and talked and talked. There was a strong vibe of connection, and I noted the space of the center was homey and loving. They showed me the birthing room, and it was so peaceful. They showed me their library where I'd be free to borrow books. They showed me the snack cupboard, which I'm welcome to on all visits. And then we sat back down and... out came my MMEO questions. Right there on the first meeting. I just felt so comfortable with them, and I could tell they were enjoying my company as well. I wanted more time with them; I love being around people who make me want to be more of myself, because I see them living so much of themselves. They said they couldn't wait to meet Ryan and start forming a connection with him as well. The meeting concluded, and on the way out, they introduced me to a couple of their own babies who were sitting back in the office. It's so perfect for a midwife practice to have babies hidden behind the counter! They smiled and waved at me on the way out like we were old friends, and we'd be catching up again soon.
This was the bear that was just right.
This was definitely for me. The energy. The women. And even the name - Beautiful Mountain Birth. That is totally the description I'd have chosen for my delivery!
After meeting with this pair of midwives, knowing I had finally found the place for me, and knowing which of the two was the one for me, I was beaming with the smile of a horse. One midwife chuckled and said, "Would you look at her?" Because she could tell I was so happy. And then my smile couldn't get any bigger, so I almost cried. Not because of the heightened sensitivities from pregnancy. But because, I just really get into certain moments.
And finding my midwife was one of them.
Upward and onward,