One Year of Marriage with Ryan
01 August 2016
The month of August.
One year ago, in this month, I made a decision from my firmest hold on love and faith. A very thought-through and deliberate choice. An overwhelming trust in the momentum I'd found with another, relishing in our magic.
I did not understood then to what measure of magic that decision would yield as I now can after a year's worth of hindsight. I now have a sharpness, a clarity, a proud rest to the incredible fit and expansive happiness I have because of marrying Ryan.
I still cannot believe what a huge amount of joy and companionship has filled my life by being with him. My fingers still slowly wrapping around this life of mine, trying to fully grasp this reality. A reality that still feels too dreamy. I am only marinating into this marriage on a slow simmer, because it's too grand to soak in all at once.
I am with this man. And, forever?
I still think of Ryan as I'm driving around town, and my eyes water up because I just can't believe it. Ryan is so much better than I knew when I married him. He is a more solid fit for me than I knew when I married him. He has shown me a friendship and loyalty and love far greater than I've ever known. We have grown so much, as companions and individuals. Learning from each other. Overcoming personal weaknesses. I can't believe the emotions that are evoked from such a strong unity with another. The vulnerability I see in him as he trusts me to be his sole confidant and support. The space we offer to safely mess up and grow inside a true unconditional love. The ways we match and synchronize, like a seamless puzzle. Bursts of knowledge saying, this is so right, this is sooooo right.
This experience of being with Ryan this last year has been so beautiful to me. And the daydreams I have of our future, as I feel our first child swirl around in my belly, make me so overcome with happiness. I am so small when surrounded by such grand goodness and that makes me so so so grateful.
Love is so real.
This month, I dedicate a lot of time towards writing about Ryan and the joy we find in one another.
Upward and onward,