Oh my heart.
20 December 2016
Baby Girl is still asleep and it's almost noon.
I am definitely mothering Ryan's daughter, and I LOVE it! My baby and my husband love to sleep, and I could not be more grateful for that. Because I LOVE morning hours! I love the rising sun; I love time to workout; I love time to stretch; I love time to study; I love time to vox some of my friends while I eat breakfast. And today, following these activities, I went back to the bedroom, and Charlotte is still squish-faced, deep sleeping on the mattress. So, I turn back around and now I'm here to blog. What a Christmas miracle!! Not to mention that after a really busy few weeks, work is slow these next couple of weeks, so I feel ease towards taking time to write. Self-indulgence is an art form, and I am too keen to shouldering all responsibilities before I allow myself to partake.
I am really grateful for my life right now. It is a very happy time. Just the other night, Ryan and I were huddled over Charlotte as she was tucked into our bed, and I thought my heart was going to explode. Charlotte has begun focusing her eyes on Ryan and I, and just really recently, within the last couple of days, she has begun really smiling back at us. Having our tiny little gal smile at us is... well, it's indescribable. And the other night, as we were all in our bedroom together, Ryan was talking with Little Buddy, and for the first time, she locked eyes with him and gave him a huge grin. I could hear the happiness in his voice and could practically feel his joy radiating out of his body. So there's little Charlotte grinning at Ryan, Ryan is on cloud nine smiling back at her, and I'm filming it all on camera watching both of them and thinking I'm about to have a heart attack from joy. (This is the recent video on social media). I just pulled Ryan close and we held each other while staring at Charlotte, feeling like this is all that exists in the world.
And I also feel such spirituality in motherhood. I've settled into this role like it's been my calling all along. Other roles I've needed study and guidance and training, but this role pairs with my intuition more than I've ever experienced, and I feel a true match here. I also feel a palpable closeness with Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother, really seeing how their guidance through Gospel principles is so important for the growth of a person's soul. And because I really, really want to provide that for Charlotte, I can feel how much my Heavenly Parents (and biological parents) wanted that for me, and I feel close to Them. I feel honored that I get to instill a little being with God's principles, sharing all my enthusiasm for the Gospel with Charlotte's little heart and mind.
I value this Gospel so much. I really believe the principles, and I find so much strength and peace within them. I am grateful to have Higher Knowledge that lifts me. And I know that the accounts of men and women who have spent their lives representing this Gospel are true. I read the first 2.5 books of The Work and The Glory just before Charlotte was born, and I really grasped Joseph Smith's gentle and loving character. And now I am reading a Christian novel that personifies Mary's life, as the mother of Jesus, and I am really appreciating Christ's loving and wise nature. I know these men were real and as valiant, if not more, than these talented authors portray them to be. I'm so grateful for their examples to inspire me upward, including Ryan's example that aligns just with theirs, right in my own home.
More than ever... Upward and onward,