Our little tribe

02 December 2016

Tonight Ryan is away on a campout with the scouts, and I am longing for him so much.  I'm feeling all the feels as I rest on my bed, with beautiful Charlotte sleeping by my side, squeaking in her little breaths.  (*I am a new mother cascading into an insanely immense love for her tiny baby*  Man.).

I think of last night.

Last night Ryan and I sat in the soft glow of Charlotte's nursery lamp, myself in the rocker and him sitting across from me against the bed.  We talked quietly while Charlotte ate before drifting into a deep slumber.  Ryan began to tell me how much I mean to him.  He said that he is so protective of me, and he would do anything for me.  His words rang inside of me with such truth.  He means so much to me.  These little moments.  Moments that last only a matter of minutes, but moments that hold the beauty of a lifetime.

I think of six nights ago.

We had returned from an overnight trip to my grandma's house.  We had celebrated Thanksgiving with Ryan's family in Utah, and then briefly with my family in Idaho.  We are unpacked in our tranquil home long after the sun has fully set, and our eyes are droopy with fatigue.  I am nestling sleeping Charlotte safely in her bed, while Ryan is tidying some items and securing our home for a safe night of rest.  I remember looking at Charlotte, and then looking up at him, observing him focused on his task at hand.  I feel an overwhelming amount of belonging.  This is my tribeThese are my people.  There is so much out there.  So much noise, so much sorrow, so much rejection.  But we have our world here.  To be built as we please.  And I feel so much love here.

I think of the nights following Charlotte's birth.

After observing my delivery of Charlotte, Ryan frequently expressed his immense love and gratitude for me.  He often told me that the sacrifices and contributions I made to bring Charlotte into this world created a lifelong debt for him, to repay with his duties as the best father and husband he could be.  

I think of Ryan altogether.

I observe him sleeping soundly next to me, in the hours of dawn when I awake to nurse, and I love him.  I love him so much.  His warm, firm body grounds my awareness, and I just let myself resonate in his presence.  He isn't like anybody else.  Every person is all their own, in some way.  And to me, Ryan is so special.  Hidden behind that beard is a man unlike any other.  So while he dozes effortlessly, I lay next to him and feel him holding up the entire world around me, blanketing me in such protection and love.

Upward and onward,

1 comment :

  1. I really do feel so protective of you (and Charlotte now). This is our little tribe :-) and I love it! You have expressed such kind words about me. I hope I can always live up to that.