Now I've tucked my sweet gentle Charlotte into her crib, Ryan is snowboarding with the Teachers Quorum and sending me lots of fun videos, and I have soft music playing as my companion while I continue to write a sequel to my last post.
I love my Ryan and my Charlotte so much.
Anyway, I have decided on a new practice for myself that I'd like to do weekly. An idea lined with leniency. Because my scheduling doesn't read by normal clocks where the hour hands are straight and tick in even intervals. My life reads by baby clock, where the hands are more squishy and the measurements are more forgiving. Less "on the dot" and more "come what may." So basically, I don't promise regularity.
So to expound on this idea, in my private journal, I'll often jot down a bullet point list of moments in my day that were a highlight. Small instances where I think, "that deserves a gold medal." Thus I coined the phrase "Gold Medal Moments" and starting titling my lists as such. And, I think now would be a good time for me to give more effort to this practice. Because frankly, I haven't done a Gold Medal list in awhile. And I would hate for myself to believe that that's because there aren't any gold medals to be given, because the entropic forces that try to wither me away into a sad, booby despair would have me believe as such. But today when I gave myself permission to let all the burdens of my mind go and give myself a full break for the weekend, I had a perceptible shift in my mood and a shroud of awesome memories from the week began to flow. So, I must write them down, and I must continue this practice because it is the fast pass to joy.
Gold Medal Moments This Week:
- For starters, there is a fly in my house. (!!!!!!) That means spring is coming. And of course, by next fall, I will be chasing all these flies around my house with a dust buster and cursing at every last one of their dead bodies that I find under my furniture. But that is not here or there. Spring. Gold medal.
- Ryan and I made a pact one evening to really dedicate our evenings to our little family. Again, life just does its best to stick its big, fat, wide, loud head through our front door and fill up our home with all sorts of petty distractions. This head resembles Donald Trump and it is alarming. But we have consecrated our evening hours to focusing on each other, and we have had such tender moments and such hilarious moments this last week because of this pact.
-Ryan and I had another heart-to-heart last night in the dim light of Charlotte's nursery. Talking about the powers of negotiation and persuasion and boundaries and goals and our life and our dreams and sticking to our guns. And basically it was so profound that I created a personal Title of Liberty in my head while we talked, and I plan on typing it up and hanging it by my desk. Here's where Ryan and I are headed, world, and the opportunity cost of not keeping our feet planted firm in that direction is far too great, so no. No, go away.
- Another night, Ryan and I were again in the dim light of Charlotte's nursery, and I had her sound machine playing an evening sound like we were camping in the woods. Ryan and I were side-by-side, huddled over Charlotte, and she was jabbering away at us. Telling us all coos and gurgles that will change the world someday. We tell her that her thoughts are so wonderful and unique, and her voice is beautiful and charming, and we encourage her to tell us everything on her mind because we love anything that she has to say. And at 3 months old, I can tell already this girl is going to have a lot of things to share.
- Charlotte sleeping 11 hours a night. She sure loves her sleep, and she has since she was born. I read upwards of 4 books on sleep training with newborns, getting myself in full army gear, ready for the battle with long nights with a baby. But I have indeed given birth to my Ryan's daughter because she cuts no corners with her snoozing, and we have been far too blessed with how well she sleeps. (Though, as Ryan and I often discuss, every couple's transition to a baby is difficult in its own way. We've gotten lucky here, but go ahead and read my last post....)
- Meanwhile, I still wake up in the night, and I wander into Charlotte's nursery and lay on the spare bed listening to her breathe and gurgle, until I drift off to sleep again. If she ever makes a fussy peep, I swoop in and snuggle her. Her tiny little curled up body against my chest, while I sway in the rocking chair gently into the dawn. I just miss her so much in the night times, and I love all these moments with her. So if I am tired, it's my own fault. I keep my husband up talking into the wee hours of the night (again, read my last post), and then I'm in Charlotte's room at the crack of dawn, just fawning over her. Basically I'm neurotic. Read: "basically I'm a mom."
- Going on a mid-week date to Braza Express with Ryan. It was a spur of the moment, Wednesday night idea. Thought we'd try out a new restaurant and seek reprieve from our already psychotic week. It was fantastic! I had such a good time with my family, and we sure had some good laughs imitating people. It could be a good comedy sketch titled, "People Who Are Really Hungry Eating Salads with Large Forks in Public." Needless to say, in one word: unflattering. And in reality, I'm the star of this comedy and embarrassment. It's me, guys. I'm that freak.
- Ryan's dinner of .... the name is failing me... no seriously, I want to say Horchata, but I'm trying to recall the name of a fish, and I know it's not name-sharing with a Mexican drink... HALIBUT. Yes, Ryan's cooking of Halibut. There we go. YUMMM! Moving on.
- Brennan texted me this week and thanked me for teaching him how to release emotions through muscle testing. He said it helps him so much to do that every day after school. I love that! LOVE. I can't even say what that text meant to me. It felt like he shared something so personal with me, and that I could help him in such a meaningful way. I can't even begin to say how much I love my little brother.
- Also, same day, a lady had heard of me somehow and how good I am at what I do, so she took to Facebook, found our one mutual friend, and requested that she ask for my permission to have my contact information released to her. By what means did said person hear about me? Mystery to be determined. But I must be doing something right if my name is being passed around through social networks not integrated with mine. Compliment. Brush my shoulders off.
- Being sick last weekend. That may sound within the category of Last Place Medal. But, there is something sweet about opening up the blinds and curling up on the couch all snuggled together as a family and sniffling through movies all weekend. Also, you get to litter your house with as many tissues as you want, and your parents don't make you clean it up. Also, you're the parents now.
- Spending time with friends. A day with my friend Leslie and her son, Matthew. Oh my goodness, little toddlers have a curiousness that just feeds my soul. I love it! Matthew held our little baby bunnies, and he was so cute with them! Plus it's SO nice to be in the company of friendships that make you feel so loved and protected, laughing and reminiscing. An afternoon with my friend, Allie. We are tied together at the soul. She is so lovely and calm and feeds my subconscious peace. Voxing with Kelli - basically Kelli gets the brunt of all my panic attacks and nerves and all the other types of conversations that occur when you have retreated to your closet, face-down on the floor. Anyone else? Just me? Okay, that's fine. Lunch with Sharla, eating warm pho and having Vietnamese women swoon endlessly over Charlotte, asking multiple times if she's a boy or girl. It's fine. Humans of all races, religions, and genders can have fuzzy bald heads if they want to, and we still love them and squeeze them tight. Can someone tell Donald Trump that? Reaching out to my college roommate Brittney, and next thing I know, she's at my doorstep with baby clothes and we have started a book club!! She was a good find for my life nine years ago. And also, hearing from Rachel in Micronesia. I live in fear that Rachel will be transfigured, and I won't know about it. So every time she contacts me, my entire day is brightened because she's still here on Earth with me. She's too good. Rachel is the type of person that EVERYONE loves, and she has a million friends, and for good reason because she is the most caring and inquisitive person, remembering small details about everyone and checking in on them often. And yet, she comes to me to share the more private moments, and I feel really humbled all the time that I am her person. Blows my mind.
- Faster internet. Yessssss! Even though the process of switching internet providers is like cutting off your arms and legs and gluing them to the opposite side of your body and figuring out how to do life again. Basically, it's the worst hassle in the world.
- The Bachelor. Guys, I can't stop. It's like a circus that is so melodic and beautiful and fancy on the outside, and then you go in and it's a loopy mad house and you can't get back out. Ever. Basically what the therapists are terming "an addiction."
- Deinifyely. Which is what I texted someone in lieu of the word "definitely." My mom brain is on a new vocabulary train and everyone needs to roll with it. Speaking of train..
- Marathon training! My pre-training days are over, and I am officially on the official schedule of the official race. I am by no means the power-legs that I once was, but I am still giving a good game on effort. Oh yeah, also that one night I really pushed myself and I thought I ran at least five miles, and I was SO proud, and I came home and it was just over 3. And I walked a lot. HAHA! Ryan keeps telling me that once we establish the basework of our running, we can do this.
- BOXING. I am going to my first boxing class tomorrow. I am so so so excited! I visited the gym this week, and a nice girl gave me a tour and talked to me for a long time. Basically a lot of heavy bags hang from the metal rafters and the class participants each get behind one and pummel that thing. And then they have a ring for competition practicing. No to that. But yes to running through the rows of heavy bags like Pocahontas in a corn field.
And with that, I know I have more, but boxing class is early.... So g'night.
(But for the record, I feel SO good right now. And released of so much of the gunk that's been causing me heavy steps.)
Gold medal moments freewrite, the end.
Upward and onward,
Guys, I no longer have an inventory of selfies to add as my post-script since I've had a baby . Gosh, I hate the thought that I am becoming less narcissistic.