Literally I'm a Rock Star. Literally.

13 March 2014


Mmm.. I'm writing a 2nd time in my no-writing month.  But I deserve it today because I just conducted the most successful process management meeting this world has ever seen, and people were so happy they threw flowers and powdered sugar at me, literally.  So in honor of all that, here's another story for you that I wrote in the draft of an email during a different meeting:

The use of the word "literal" amuses me.

Literally, the use of that word amuses me.

In a meeting with my division this morning, Boss Man 1 was talking about how work often pidgeon-holes people into one position and they have to work in that spot for the rest of their lives because they are the only ones who know those duties.  "Literally, they just have to sit there forever."

Do they though?  In one chair?  Forever?  I laugh out loud every time "literal" is used to describe ridiculous and in fact, very unliteral circumstances. 

[Are self inside jokes a thing?  Kind of like how My Self apologizes out loud every time I see a car accident or smashed up vehicle. My Self likes to laugh and sympathize with My Self.]

Anyway...  In honor, I'd like to literally share a short story of my own.  And include other communication enhancers that also entertain me when misused.

A few weeks ago, my roommates and I went to "ward prayer."  And this particular week, the attendants at ward prayer increased by literally 800, so we had an introductory period to help other ward members get to know each other, if you know what I mean.

So we went around the room and took turns sharing one interesting thing about ourselves.  One dude was literally born with a gill on his neck!  And another dude could literally bend over backwards and touch his head to his ankles.  (True uses of literal).  My friend David shared how a "chicken" attacked his entire face until there was literally nothing left! 

The introductions were approaching my roommates and I.  We could not think of anything to say, so I whispered to them that I would "take care" of this situation.  Our turn arrived.

I told the ward that a couple weeks ago, my roommates and I went to a program in southern Utah on how to train peacocks.  One "girl" responded, "What did you learn at this training?"  I replied, "Oh ya know, how to get a peacock to fan its feathers, if you know what I mean," as I fanned my hands out in front of me.  And Julie chimed in, "And how to get a peacock to move its head like this..." as she pecked her head back and forth. 

"How did you find this training?" someone literally asked.  Literally!  They asked that! 

"Online" "On KSL."  Kersti and I replied at the same time.  Phew!  Good thing our "facts" matched.

Then everyone started screaming and cheering about how awesome we were and carried us around on chariots of rhinestones.  Literally, that happened.

They all literally believed us!  And we went home and snickered into our "couch pillows!"  And now we lie as often as we can to see how much we can get people to believe about us.  IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

And evidence that I work for the Church - as I was typing this story, I overheard a co-worker say to another co-worker, "It mattereth not."  ...   Next time, maybe I'll share a story using religious phrases that are LITERALLY NOT USED IN REAL LIFE!

Upward and onward,


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  1. hahaha this is so awesome. Literally is the best word to use inappropriately!

  2. PEACOCK TRAINERS?!?! Pahahaha!! That. Is. Amazing. Way to make the random sputterings out of our mouths in historical moments "literal" lol!