The weeks I was a bride

11 August 2015

Being a bride was a super delightful phase for me.  

I mean, 7 weeks was a fine enough time to be one.  I think once an engagement ring slides on your finger, your brain is slowly dismantled.  But while I was briding, I enjoyed all the creating and preparing and dreaming and adoration.

A few months ago, Ryan and I went to the temple one evening to seek guidance on the timeline of when we should get married.  We joined a ward’s sealing session.  All these older couples gawking at us, finally asking how long we’ve been married.  “Ha.  Hahahah.  Ha.” Ryan and I said.  “We’re actually here to discuss when we should get married.  We’ve decided August.”  And all the people swarmed us and gave their congratulations.  They were the first people to know.  As the session ended, they all huddled together in the doorway, waving their tearful hankies at us, beaming and saying goodbye and congratulating us, as Ryan and I walked away hand-in-hand.  It was like a movie.  They were so cute.

After we walked outside, the peace and bliss of the temple paused for a moment, and suddenly I was awakened with reality.  WEDDING.  I have a wedding to plan.  I HAVE TO PLAN A WEDDING.  And the anxiety got real, so Ryan drove me to the nearest yogurt shop, and I put my face into the chocolate dispenser.  Planning my first wedding…. Oh well that’s a scary story I’d love to share over a campfire.  Or perhaps when I’m in the car with my girlfriends, driving to a secluded cabin in the woods for the evening, I’ll begin pouring out all the scariest stories in my bank of nightmares, despite no agreement from them that such horror is comfortable for them, and I’ll terrify everyone.  Except Katie.  Because she just laughs no matter what I do, so that always makes my life choices feel better.  Oh wait…. That already happened…

Anyways, I panicked.  Because weddings fall on the bride, weddings fall on the bride.  That was my chant to Ryan as I rolled around on the ground in chocolate yogurt.  And I like elegance and white and flowers as much as the next female, but what I DON’T like is rundown traditions of weddings that have perpetuated into a big nonsensical itinerary, which feels mostly propelled by big expectations, and not actually an improved experience for the bride or groom.  Because what should be a time of anticipation towards such a lovely day, becomes an extravagant whirlpool where the bride and groom decide if they should perhaps decline entry to the marriage institution and go for a mental institution. (Although, all these feelings mainly stem from my former experience and the pressure of my former in-laws).
But fortunately, this time around, my laidback parents were joined with Ryan's laidback parents, which truly made ALL the difference.  Because my former-in-laws -- oh bless an entire country of souls -- they were not satisfied until an entire production was afloat that started as soon as the sun blinked in the waking dawn - COMPLETE WITH A PRINTED PROGRAM!  Yes, ladies and gentleman, my first wedding had a program with scheduled speakers and singers, all of which came from their family, and none of the speeches had anything to do with the wedding at hand, simply a timeline of their world travels, while my family just sat there going, "What the heck is happening right now?"  (No joke.  It was bad).

But because Ryan is a Disney prince trapped in a human’s body, he took my hand across the table, first commenting on the stickiness of my hands, per usual – “how do your hands always get so sticky?”  To which I ignore that question because how can he possibly believe that I do anything to bring this curse upon myself, as my hand goes back into the yogurt bowl – and he proceeds, “I will help you.” 

“That’s what they all say,” I respond, as if I have experience marrying all the men.  

“No, I am different.  I am going to plan all of it with you.  I’ll plan it all myself if you want me to,” he says. 

“You will??????” My eyes turn big and doughy, and I begin batting my eyelashes rapidly.  

 “Is there something in your eye?”  he asks.

 “No.  I’m being pretty for you.  And manipulative,” I say, “Done.  You’re planning the wedding!!!
YAYthankssomuchyourethebesttakemehome!”  I say in one sentence so he can’t change his mind.

And that’s how we left it.  Ryan was planning our wedding.

And he was dead serious and began marching forward.  But then I thought, "well, I mean, I do kind off like to gaze at flowers....  and bouquets....  and colors.....  andfoodandbridehairandPINTEREST NOM NOM NOM!!!

So, then really the plans merged into a Google doc, and we split 50/50.  Because that is fairness and love and a bride's passive way of oversight.   But that system of ours, splitting everything according to who had the best network and talents for what, was the best decision I have ever made in my entire life.  And also the decision to marry Ryan.  

I finished my half of the list in 3 weeks.  DONE.  I'm not kidding - I was done wedding planning in 3 weeks.  So when I’d run across other summer brides, all stressed out and frazzled, I’d laugh so super hard right in their face.  Because I believe it helps people to feel better to see your joy so close to their head.

But seriously this made my bridal phase so easy and calm and bonding and fun with Ryan.  We did everything together, and what we did on our own, we did FOR each other.  And I mean, if the following word is defined with slow recitation: bridesmaid.  Brides Maid.  The friend that the bride selects to be her helpmeet in all the wedding planning.  Well, think about this - then the wedding happens, the bridesmaid is gone, and the husband remains.  Now husband = helpmeet.  So, would it not be good training for the husband to experience the depths of that role during wedding planning?   Thus, Ryan was my bridesmaid.  My Man of Honor.  And I was his groomsman.  His Groomsmaid.  His Grooms Lady of Maid Honor.
And, lest the point of this post be delayed any longer, Ryan’s wedding planning skills.  Um,  DANG.  He could sell his business and take on a wedding planning career if he wanted to.  Which would be great a PR campaign to see the rugged hunter and fisherman become a dainty white floral connoisseur.  But truly, after Ryan would complete a wedding piece from his list, all I could say was “perfect!!”  I LOVE how everything turned out!

He was the boss of the rings.  Perfect.

 Boss of the wedding invitations.  Perfect.

Boss of the reception location.  Perfect.

Boss of my heart.  Perfect.

And lastly, one more thing I enjoyed about this time, after selling a bunch of stuff on KSL, all the super awesome and kind people I met. Seriously, such good people out there.

Upward and onward,


first image source


  1. I think we need more scary stories while driving in the woods at night.

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  3. WOW! He seriously was the boss of planning! I love that you two tag teamed it instead of going the more traditional route of the bride doing everything and the groom just "showing up." I've never liked that. The wedding is both of theirs, why shouldn't they both have a say? And if they can't agree on anything...well, maybe that says something about the relationship int he first place? Or maybe I'm just getting too radical over here! I was laughing and cringing hearing about the program at your first wedding. Those photos of you two are GORGEOUS. And I hope you share more soon.