Especially if the rain continues

27 May 2016

I finished mowing the front yard, only minutes before the rain storm halted overhead.  I could feel something brewing while I was mowing and listening to my podcast.  The wind was guspy; the air was growing increasingly brisk.  But I was resolute on racing the weather to the front lines of battle.

I won.

Now I rest on the couch with my feet propped.  Nothing feels better to a pregnant body.  Except massages.  I am looking for an audible book to entertain me this weekend, while I do a lot of cleaning and housework.  I am looking forward to it, especially if this rain continues. 

Upward and onward,

Baby has a gender!

26 May 2016

It's a GIRL!!

The little one took 30 minutes to spread her legs and reveal herself to us.  And when she did, and the technician froze the shot, we all just stared at her privates like we'd won the lottery.

Wow.  That's a girl right there!

Then we took the pink envelope of other photos and left.

Ryan and I walked out to his truck with our arms around each other.  That is one of the most surreal moments I think a couple can have.  Truly, it's like you re-learn that you are having a baby 80 times.  And this a big moment of looking at each other like, "baaaby. yeeeah."  "giiiiirl. baaaby." 

Then we celebrated by eating at Chipotle, which is also where we ate on our first date!  What if I had looked at him on that day and said, "Have me, and I will birth your babies someday."

And now here we are.  Girl baby.

The happiness about this revelation keeps growing and growing.    

Upward and onward,


Parenting by Principle, Not Preference

My dreams are very vivid.  Which my acupuncturist told me is normal in pregnancy.  Last night I had a dream with a thick and active plot line, but I remember waking up with a lesson in mind and feeling like I needed to write it down.  I was the child figure in my dream, and a set of parents were sitting me down to talk seriously.  I was also indirectly one of the parents.  As the child, I desperately wanted to run from a responsibility that I felt unwarranted, and my "parent's" sat me down to discuss, because they felt strongly about me being responsible in this situation.  The conversation occurred more in my mind than it did through the dream characters.  The lesson was - let's each vocalize the priority we are wanting right now, as both of us have valid and true desires.  Let's then see which priority is better for me - child persona - and for the family as a whole.  I wanted freedom and decision-making to be placed in my hands.  They wanted a disciplined and secure future.  Both valid. 

We decided, in this circumstance, the higher priority should be honoring my autonomy, and my parent's were grateful to me for allowing us all to understand one another better.

Then I awoke for the day, thinking deeply about this.  I thought about how it is so important to honor your children, and though safety and discipline is always paramount, we can understand each other and be comfortable taking the path that is better for the higher priority.  It was a cool concept to think about sitting down and everyone vocalizing their core motive and desire.  Maybe a parent or child won't always have the best and highest priority.  Maybe they will be a choice between two good things.  But perhaps lining up our intentions with each other's will help every party to make the best choice and not be so filtered and isolated to their own standing.

This reminds me of a comment my friend made in Relief Society.  Be careful to parent off principle, not preference.

Upward and onward,

image source

A Week of Pregnancy / Birthing Meditations



Ryan and I learned we were having a baby girl.

It was really cool to build the connection from baby being to soul of a girl.

Following my birthing study, I laid down on the couch and conducted a self-meditation.  I relaxed my body deeply, and then I focused on my back, which was stretched in a work-out on Monday and hasn't been content since.  I spoke directly to the muscles in my back, connected them with the muscles in my bum, aligned them with the rest of the muscles in my body.  I massaged them through deep visualization.  My back felt incredible when I stood up, and I can tell the muscles are healing much quicker.

Afterwards, I connected directly with baby, which was my first time doing so.  I spoke to her through my meditation, relaxing the womb around her, breathing the calm into her.  I connected on the idea that she is a girl.  And for the first time, I felt a really strong connection with her.  I felt really buoyed up by the wisdom and truth I have to offer her.  That a little being will be directly gleaning my knowledge and finding so much to build herself.  It made me feel so awakened as myself and joyful.  It was a really amazing experience.  The emotions of happiness and assurance were so strong, and I felt even more joy over having a daughter.



Today I did another study for my mental preparation towards birthing.  Then I laid down for another self-meditation.  I relaxed my body and soothed my back again.  I worked on my birthing breathing, and I felt extremely relaxed.  I imagined giving birth in such a relaxed state, and it felt so inviting.  Then I tuned in on baby girl and spoke with her.  I breathed security and peace around her, and then I talked with her about lessons we observed today as companions in my life.  It was really cool to reflect on what a special time this is - to have someone with you and going through everything with you.

I am grateful for this time to relax and meditate each day.  It feels so good, and I know this consistent practice will be very valuable.



Today I did my birthing studies, and then I laid down to do a meditation.  I woke up about 40 minutes later.  Looks like my meditation worked well - I definitely relaxed quickly and honored the fatigue my body was feeling by falling asleep.  I do remember use the Rainbow Relaxation Method from my book.  Envisioning red dust at your feet, slowly enveloping you like a peaceful mist.  The mist turns to a soft touch that grazes your skin and relaxes you even further.  Then you begin this visualization method again with orange mist and so on.  Orange is the last color I remember.



Today I did a self-guided relaxation, and then did an extended meditation session by pulling up one of the Hypnobabies audios that Hilary gave me.  I slipped into a very deep self-hypnosis.  The speaker even had us go so deep that the muscles in our eyelids became so relaxed that they stopped working.  Even when I am self-hypnotized, I peek to check the time, but this time, I couldn't open my eyes the entire time - it was cool.  I was extremely deep in envisioning My Special Place, as the speaker instructed.  I let it help me feel more deeply and deeply calm.  I saw shapes and colors that soothe me as well.  Then I connected with baby.  Imagining her there with me, saying her name, picturing her, feeling the presence of a person.  I talked with baby and held her hand.  The speaker said that during the birthing process; I will stay in this self-hypnotic place with baby.  We will be relaxed together, and I will assure her everything is going well; and I will talk to her and teach her things.  Then when it's time for her to come out, I will feel her hand slipping from mine.  I thought that was so fascinating to be in a deep hypnotic place with baby, not just distant by myself.  We finished by instilling that each time I meditate, I will go deeper and quicker and it will become easier.

This morning I also got a little book to put all my methods and meditations in to take with me to birth center.  I also decided to pick a scent, which I will use in all my meditations, and then when I take it with me to the birth center, I will have it registered that it means calm and hypnotic.  Ryan said I was very smart to think of that.

Upward and onward,

image source

The One that was Just Right

24 May 2016

Today, I found my midwife.

Which was exactly like picking a second soulmate.  You have to know deep, deep down that they are "your person."

Because a midwife is such a personal, spiritual facilitator.  A relationship that must be so secure and trusting and connected.  A person available to you for something so intimate and wonderful as bringing a child into the world.

And also, who else besides Ryan gets to see my full-grown woman body naked.

My search for a midwife turned out just like the story of Goldilocks and the 3 bears.  Perhaps, that is actually the meaning behind that story.  We just never understood because we were 7 when we heard it, and when you're 7, you don't understand that other human bodies will be coming out of you someday, so no one mentions that in the children's tale.

I had left work early, so that I could drive around to the 3 birth centers in my vicinity.  I had pre-scheduled appointments at each one, spaced out just perfectly so I could bounce from one to the next.  I had a notebook with my with my questions that I've been accruing as I have been studying birthing.  The questions were divided between generic birth center questions, and then I had a section for "MMEO" - My Midwife's Eyes Only.  Which I would ask at a later point once connection had been established.

The first birth center was pleasant.  Polite.  But it was very small.  A hundred year old home turned birth facility.  Tight hallways.  Small staircases.  Which for a full-term pregnant lady, that's the last type of space she would like to be in.  Of all the concerns a near-birthing mother should have, fitting down the hallway shouldn't be one of them.  I enjoyed the midwives, but I didn't want to sync journals and trade ankle bracelets with them.  This was the bear that was too small.  So I drove onward.

My middle appointment is where the magic happened.  Which will be left unexplained for now.  With one more appointment, I completed my route and drove on.

My last appointment felt too grandiose.  It was a very well-established birth center.  The facility was very mature and had a strong clinical energy.  Many other client appointments were bustling in and out, and I waited in the lobby for quite some time, observing the activity.  The staff was very busy and once my turn came, they shook my hand loosely and then kind of forgot the point of my appointment, asking me about 10 minutes into our meeting if I was there for the student midwifery program.  So not close.  Once I re-established that I'm pregnant, I was informed that the midwife students do all the work and the actual midwifes stand back and observe.  Alright then.  Sounds.. very not intimate and rather unnerving.  The energy was just off the whole time.  This was the bear that was too big.

So I drove home and thought back to my second appointment.  An experience I'd gladly re-live again and again.

As I entered that facility, both women behind the desk greeted me by name.  It feels good to be so expected and recognized from the start.  Both women stood up to introduce themselves to me, and they shook my hand with firmness.  Immediately the energy was warm and inviting.  They instructed me back around the counter and down the hallway into the meeting room.  It was like a big kitchen / family room.  And there, the three of us sat in a circle in front of a lit fireplace and talked and talked.  There was a strong vibe of connection, and I noted the space of the center was homey and loving.  They showed me the birthing room, and it was so peaceful.  They showed me their library where I'd be free to borrow books.  They showed me the snack cupboard, which I'm welcome to on all visits.  And then we sat back down and... out came my MMEO questions.  Right there on the first meeting.  I just felt so comfortable with them, and I could tell they were enjoying my company as well.  I wanted more time with them; I love being around people who make me want to be more of myself, because I see them living so much of themselves.  They said they couldn't wait to meet Ryan and start forming a connection with him as well.  The meeting concluded, and on the way out, they introduced me to a couple of their own babies who were sitting back in the office.  It's so perfect for a midwife practice to have babies hidden behind the counter!  They smiled and waved at me on the way out like we were old friends, and we'd be catching up again soon.

This was the bear that was just right.

This was definitely for me.  The energy.  The women.  And even the name - Beautiful Mountain Birth.  That is totally the description I'd have chosen for my delivery! 

After meeting with this pair of midwives, knowing I had finally found the place for me, and knowing which of the two was the one for me, I was beaming with the smile of a horse.  One midwife chuckled and said, "Would you look at her?"  Because she could tell I was so happy.  And then my smile couldn't get any bigger, so I almost cried.  Not because of the heightened sensitivities from pregnancy.  But because, I just really get into certain moments.

And finding my midwife was one of them.

Upward and onward,

image source

Snapshots of Marriage

22 May 2016


Last night, I was struggling to sleep.  I've been working very hard lately - painting and mowing the lawn and putting our home together and also still working at my job.  I was so fatigued that I couldn't sleep.  So Ryan gave me a massage with oils and soft music.  He does this sometimes, and it is The. Best.  While he was massaging my feet in the soft glow of our bedroom lamp, I felt so happy.  This is SO cool to be married.  To be a couple with him, just the two of us, together in the world, teammates through it all.  I love being with Ryan.


Marriage is lounging in the living room on a Saturday night, after a great day of work and play, and saying to each other, "We should get out of the house."  So you end up at a local desert shop eating a slab of dark chocolate cake and completely enjoying each other's company.  Afterwards you say to each other, "now we should probably go home and eat some dinner."

Upward and onward,


Pregnancy and Me

21 May 2016

Second trimester has arrived, and I'll tell you what - this is where the party is at!

My first trimester was a lot of what you hear about pregnancy - nausea, extreme fatigue, brain melt.  Yep, yep, yep.  And guess what?  My first trimester aligned just perfectly with tax season.  So phenomenal and tortuous, right?  The odds were not in my favor on that one.  So we'll skip every single one of those memories.  Including the day I spit up over-easy eggs all down myself on the drive to work.  I arrived in my dress pants with a yellow-stained crotch.  Then I spent the morning oscillating between the bathroom floor, with my head between my knees, and the most irritating client of the entire season.  But, I did peel myself out of bed every morning (literally, it was a peeling sensation because I was SOO tired, and I would sleep at least 10 hours a night), and I worked out.  I told myself that the most important thing I could do for myself was get my body moving, and I kept up my motivation by telling myself that was the ONE thing I needed to do all day - that's it, just get out of bed and work-out.  So amongst unexplainable fatigue, I would.  And then I'd say, "Haha, gotcha!"  And I'd push myself out the door for a 10 hour work day.  But I stayed determined to work-out every day.  Physically - it increased the nausea, but emotionally - I know it carried me through all those weeks.  Those were the days!  All for you, little baby.

And now, I have walked through the glowing door of second trimester!

I am restored to my previous energized and happy body.  And I can feel an energetic shift within myself.  Like someone turned up my intuition knob and poured an extra dose of Spirit in me.  I think about holy motherhood and babies and home-making all the time.  Never have I felt so in tune with my divine role before.  It is incredible.

I'll dive in to this Mother Spirit, because I'm having so many revelations regarding birthing and motherhood, and it's important that I record these feelings.

In summary, I'm seeking inspiration daily on framing myself with belief sets that will make motherhood, and the home in which I practice the art, to be the best it can be.  I feel really strongly towards the power mother's have to choose and sustain the energy of their home.  I've also been carving out time to keep improving our home so it will be all ready when baby comes.  Nesting with pleasure.  And last but not least, I have been researching information on what are the best birth options for me. 

Rachel told me the other day that she thinks it's such a gift I have that I'm so in tune with energy.  And that she thinks it's so cool that I'm just pouring myself into this and studying so much.  I'm trying to create new belief sets that really honor baby and my calling as a mom.  I've been keeping a notebook of revelations to increase my frame of mind.  I'll share a couple here.  Like, children can often be so irrational from the viewpoint of an adult because they are functioning more emotionally versus rationally.  But if I set up a belief set that my children are intelligent beings at every age, even if they are in a phase I don't understand, then I will show respect towards them always.  And hopefully they will feel that belief set, and they will honor my intelligence and respect me in times of misunderstanding as well.

I am also working on a belief set that anchors the extreme value of motherhood.  Satan is already working on me about this.  Because the nobility I feel towards motherhood isn't matched when I walk out my front door and get busy in life.  Thoughts run through my head that I won't be contributing as much.  Where will my billable rate be?  My deliverable from a day's work?  To add to it, motherhood is small acts that often go unnoticed and without feelings of satisfaction.  So bad thoughts try to mask the value and make my contributions seem small.  What powerful lies!  I have to study the scriptures every morning to build up a solid belief set about the truth of motherhood!  The value of mothers' is immense.  Sure, it is a different contribution, but even amidst all the home tasks and wiping noses, we are the light bearers of the home!  We manage and shift the energy.  We have incredible ability to draw in power from on High and elevate all within a home.  We make spiritual conduits wider, and we subconsciously emit strength, protection, and intelligence.  We turn negative momentum around.  We exalt through energy and added light!  And that isn't seen by the world, and it isn't assigned a rate of contribution.  It is a value defined and known by God.  And I have felt so strongly that He really desires this of me, and He really values it.  I have a strong spirit, and I contribute so much when I add that to my family and home.

Also, I've been reading a lot about the birthing process and making decisions regarding that.  Every birth is so unique and every mother is guided by her own intuition.  Never have I felt so guided by mine.  And as I've studied and prayed and pondered, I've been able to make a lot of choices about how I want my birth to go.  I feel so strongly about it.  Between homebirths and hospitals, practitioners and midwives, narcotics and relaxing methods.  For me, I will be doing a water birth in a birth center with a midwife.

Every mother's birthing decision is true to her core and the Spirit sensing her future needs, and I have loved talking with my friends and learning what was the perfect experience for them.  Doing a natural birth is one of the strongest affirmations I've had.  I completely feel the spiritual nature and reverence in such.  And I really believe it will be such an elevating experience and so extremely bonding for Ryan and I.  From one of the books I have been studying, the author talks about women who experience  natural birth and feel such intense oxytocin and feelings of triumph and empowerment, and those feelings stay with them into the beginning phase of motherhood when that sense of competence, confidence, and resilience is so needed.  I completely believe that the energy of your birth can propel you into newborn mothering!

And I see the preparation for a natural childbirth exactly like my preparations for a marathon.  I am training myself both physically and mentally, so I will be fully prepared when the time comes.  I work out every morning, placing emphasis on squats and hip stabilization.  And to prepare mentally, I am studying HypnoBirthing and will be delivering my baby through that method.  I set aside time to study each day and practice hypnobirthing.  I firmly believe in building this mental fortitude, so I will have a strong ability to self-soothe and relax into the process of delivery, ceasing the reaction to clench up and drive the experience into fear and pain.  Initially in this pregnancy, when I thought about delivery, I would get nervous.  But now, I feel so incredibly stoked.  This is so similar to my marathon trainings, that same sense of eager "prep, prep, prep" and then the excited "GAME TIME!"  And I love that!  I love knowing that feeling of being so trained and prepared, and then the resulting oxytocin and feeling of triumph is beyond belief!  And all I've studied, the midwives describe the experience of birth much the same.  Though they never mention the similitude to a marathon, I can feel what they are talking about because I have experienced all that before.

And thus goes the second trimester.  Full of revelation, empowered decisions, building strong belief sets, and growing a little baby bump.

A very blessed season for me!

Upward and onward,

image source

Mother's Day & Pregnant

08 May 2016

Mother's Day and I'm pregnant with my first baby.  I just entered second trimester.

First lesson learned in the 1st trimester:

Your body literally becomes the sacrificial object to bring a baby to the world.  Your energy is not yours any more, and the sharpness of your mind.  Your blood, and other resources produced, are now for the baby.

Second truth learned:

There is an energetic shift that occurs.  For father, it seems strong protective instincts and a really gentle, soft love.  For mother, it seems that a spiritual conduit is vastly opened to bring mother intuition on a very strong level.  Her emotions are heightened, and her ability to sense the best choices for baby.

Third truth:

Birth is meant to be a very strong spiritual experience with strong euphoria.  I see many parallels between preparing for a marathon and preparing for birth.  Mental fortitude is just as necessary to be ready for long endurance of pain.

Upward and onward,

image source

The automatic sifting of the Spirit

07 May 2016

Image result for light in the wilderness

This morning after working out, I was in the living room stretching and reading Light in the Wilderness on the floor.  I read about how our natural man minds are always in some ego battle, trying to overpower some negative emotion or change a perspective that we know is off, but we just can't straighten it out.  And we spend so much energy in this little pit.

Then it talked about how the Spirit is a source that automatically pulls us out and expands our vision and emotions sift away into stillness.

What ease!  There is so much less resistance going that route.

So I thought about how much easier and better life is when you just make sure you are living wholesome principles.  Then the Spirit is present, and the Spirit naturally sifts away the weights of the natural man mind.

I LOVE that!

Upward and onward,


image source 

Littleness and Eternity all at once

05 May 2016

I would like to tell you something.

Ryan and I are expecting a little one on November 2nd. 


We are sooooooo incredibly grateful.  So so so so grateful.  All the gratefulness.  And we are so happy.  So so so so happy.   And I am stoked out of my mind that Ryan is my children's dad.  I always thought that was a funny thing to say.  Like, yes of course the man who made your children is also their father.  But now I understand it to mean - this guy will be the one who influences them and teaches them and takes them out on adventures.  And with that man being Ryan, what lucky little babies!

If there were ever a post of mine that was desired to be written with so many thoughts, it would be this one.  Regarding pregnancy and energetic shifts and thoughts on birth and family principles and the intimacy of a couple over the start of a family.  But I don't feel the force to do that right now.  Later, for sure.  There is much to say about what I'm feeling and learning.  But today, I am only making the announcement.  Announcements make me super choppy and not connecting at all.  Like, "hi.  announce.  done.  now everyone stop looking at me."

Though, I would like to say one more thing.  Being a carrier of a little baby is so joyous!  But I also know the pain for some, or many, who are desiring little growing heartbeats of their own.  Pregnancy for me wasn't instant; it wasn't the long journey that I know some face, but it was still a little mini journey for me.  While my time for pregnancy was still out there, somewhere distant and unknown and a little saddening at times, my friend Amy and I would relate to each other, saying the next person who tells us that we "just need to relax" is going to get an entire can of Cheez Wiz in their mouth.  So I am still here both for reverberating the emptiness if need be and also for rejoicing!  We can feel both at once if we need to, and it's all fine.

Fertility can be a little trickster, can't it?  But I'll tell you what things I was doing when I became pregnant just to assist in resource-finding.  Everyone's got the thing that worked for them.

(1) Fertility meditation.  I meditated like the zombie apocalypse was occurring and it was on me to save the world through meditating fertility into my body.  I meditated on the health of my body and its capacity to make and bear children.  I did detailed visualizations of my body being pregnant; feeling what that felt like; giving birth, feeling and experiencing the entire process; then touching, feeling, smelling, and looking at my new baby.  I did that for at least 2 hours every day for over a month.  I believe that I had a belief set I needed to shift because I have carried infertility pain with me for a good number of years, and I believe my body put a block on my own reproduction.  I would be happy to guide you through a fertility meditation if you would like to try it.

(2) Also, I rubbed Clary Sage DoTerra oil around my ankle bones every night.  Thank you to my dearest friends, Sharla and Joelle - after we went out for Thai food one rainy Saturday afternoon, and my emotions about wanting children so so badly came out in soft tears, and next thing I knew, Sharla and I were back at another Thai restaurant on a different day, and she was pushing this oil across the table at me and telling me to give it a try.

So of those two things - who knows.  Perhaps God's underworkings for Ryan and I was just ripe and ready for us to pull down a heavenly child in the same month I tried these new procedures.  Some situations I just can't tell if it is Heavenly Father saying - just sit and be patient, because this is all on me; or - I have provided many earthly remedies, and I will grant you wisdom to find the resource you specifically need, and I leave this one to you.  

Either way, Ryan and I are very very blessed, and we are SO overjoyed.  

Baby Stucki has these tiny little legs that are kicking.  I saw them.  Too small to feel yet.
My acupuncturist says it is a boy, but a client who is a spirit medium says it's a girl.  Battle of the energy workers!
We'll see :) :) :)

Upward and onward,

To be read daily

image source

My favorite passage in one of my favorite works (see here).  I have found that from reading this daily over the past little while, my perspectives have shifted across the board.  My mind and spirit feels full of so much light. 

1.  There is an infinite intelligence operating in the hidden inner recesses of my begin and in my environment and that it loves me and is supplying what I really need, day to day; that holy spirit at work in me is not an anonymous, mechanical thing; but rather, through the immediacy of the network of holy spirit, God is always present and always in charge and always striving with me, even though His present activity may lie beneath my awareness; that His aims for me are to evolve toward Him, and that all of my life is arranged, day to day, to bring that to pass.  I could accept what comes with greater trust, quiet, even gratitude.

2.  I am more spirit than I am flesh, and so is everyone and every living thing around me; that I am primarily a sojourner and a pilgrim in this world.  As I make a decision to live a consciously spiritual life, true to my being, holy spirit begins to reveal itself in the many forms of life around me, through spiritual senses perhaps hitherto dormant.  i would sense it as it is mediated through Nature and through the preciousness of my fellow human beings.  I would understand what the poet means when he says that in Nature "there lives the dearest freshness of deep down things."  Reverence for life and for the earth is deeply evocative of holy spirit.

3.  Though I may have covered up this inner current, I can uncover it by being very still inside, by strengthening my inner awareness of the life-force in all parts of my body in quite meditation, as it silently flows only with love and reverence for me, growing in sensation and luminosity before my inner eye; this Light exists in a realm of my being that might be termed the "timeless" part of me.  This "real me: is the part to become more consistently aware of.  I can practice stepping into the timelessness of my most quiet mind to that still point inside.  I could learn to do this in any setting, until, indeed, spiritfulness might become my primary awareness, while the noisy activity of my current life might fade into a sort of background music.

4.  Were I to feel holy spirit in its purity, it would make me weep, so tender, so pure, so exquisite is it.  Then I would understand something about the essence of the Lord Jesus Christ Himself.  Then I would know also my own essence and the truth of my own begin.

Beautiful beyond measure.

Light in me and in all

I have many books that I love, but perhaps my absolute favorite, the one that I feel I'm reading in a shroud of light every time I'm involved in its pages, the one that makes me more glad with every sentence, making me think I either wrote this in my sleep or a state of other unconsciousness that I can't remember, or someone has my brain wire-tapped and they scribed my thoughts and published it.  It is:

Light in the Wilderness 

Oh my gosh.  This is my book.  I'd like to encapsulate it for you, both for my own benefit so I can have a speech ready should someone ask me about my favorite book in an elevator ride, and I only have seconds to tell them about everything I think and feel and know to be true in my body, mind, and soul.  And also because, shouldn't people have words for why they like what they really like?  Yes.  So for this book.  This book...  It's just...  it is.  There it is.  The book. 

That's all I can say about it.


Okay, okay.  Here I go.  This book is essentially how we are spiritual entities, full of light and intelligence, combined with psychical matter that slows and dims us.  And if left to our own, we would continue to flounder in the dimming and feel murky and resistant and over-exhausted in attempting to triumph over the emotions and circumstances that tangle us in this equally dim and murky world.  But, give our spiritual entities the reigns, and they draw Light and Height and Energies beyond psychical understanding and capacity.  And soon, our awareness and our existence is enlightened by great degrees and our joy is so deeply reaching and our understanding is magnified to the Truth.  An we can really feel that we are composed of a core that is heavenly and beyond comprehension.  (How do you think the elevator person would feel after all that??).

Every time I read this book, I remember these truths.  And each time, I feel like a snake shedding a layer of my physical self.  The ego, who has grappled onto some frustrated emotion or some never-ending fatigue, who feels the need to wrestle for what she needs in the moment of self-preservation, then reads this book and remembers her true essence.  A core lit through the eternities of very soul and holy matter.  So what is all this weight I'm carrying for naught?  I stop wrestling and let go.  I have so much spirit within me so I let it clear, shift, and expand, until my Spirit Self is what fills me.  And then I am so full and fresh and different.

I would like to share one of my favorite passages.  I read it every morning.  It aligns me to my spiritual foundation before I begin all the temporal go-to's and to-do's of the day.  And having that spiritual root keeps me grounded to the Light in everything, changing how everything is from what it once seemed to be.

Passage shared here.

Upward and onward,

Around here lately

Ryan and I have been doing better at reading our scriptures together than we ever have in our married life.  No more reading in bed ( / sleeping of the other party) and no more just not reading together at all.  We are reading every night on our couch, upright and alert and engaged.  Then we talk about what stuck out to us.  I can feel a change, and I can feel a draw to continually do this.

On the last day of tax season, Ryan unexpectedly made me a lamb chop and mashed potato dinner.  It was amazing!  And held great significance because at the start of tax season, we went to Longhorn Steakhouse for a celebration, and I ordered the most special thing on the menu, which I've never done before.  It was - lamb chops and mashed potatoes.  And I was so blown away with how incredible it was that Ryan has since sworn to his friends that he's never heard someone rave about a meal ever before like I did about those lamb chops.  So he made some for me.  (Also, Ryan's mashed potatoes - BEST!!).


Last Saturday, Ryan spent all day outside planting a garden.  Four planter boxes are shown, and he also planted the two up the side of our house.  In addition, the overgrown expanse of ground in the corner, he planted that too.  And every morning and every night, he goes out to check on his garden.  I love it!!

As for me, I stayed inside and painted all the ceilings upstairs.  By the end of the day, I had just as many white freckles as I did brown freckles.  It was such a fulfilling day of hard work and companions building a home together.

Upward and onward,