Okay, but really now

28 June 2016


Pregnancy....  man, talk about thinnnn skinnnn hormones. 

I have had a couple back-to-back experiences the last little while where approaches from people, about some matter that pertains to me, have made me initially clamp up my jaw in a taken aback reaction and want to tell them something straight.

It's a very exhausting life to try and get every other person to their grave site with a perfectly vindicated and reputable view of me.

I suppose pregnant women are known for being more reactionary.  So, I suppose, I could allow that stereotype to be true.  Just let my hormones and reactions fly.  These situations each certainly made me want to give some people a piece of my mind.

And then I thought of my marriage with Ryan.  We have taken special care to get back on the same side of the fence if we feel like a misunderstanding has caused tenseness.  We care for each other's hearts, making sure we are side by side, before we take care of anything else.  I love him so much for this, and I am in love with what we have. 

So, in honor of the good dealings that I have with Ryan, I decided for a non-crazy-pregnant approach to these other people.  I started by saying a conscious mental thank you to these people, because they are really pushing my good virtues and helping me grow.  I kept repeating until it soothed me - "thank you for being my teacher.  thank you for being my teacher."  And my reactionary side settled as I saw this as a growing opportunity.

Then I sought to see their life circumstances, seeking to understand what they must be experiencing in their personal world that may be causing them to be a lesser version of who they really are.  What is causing them feel frustrated or scared?  And that aroused a love and compassion in me, which opened my clarity and helped me feel a higher energy. 

And then, I confidently and calmly and clearly approached them.

Now, all was well. 

That is loving assertiveness at its finest.

I feel so close to my Savior now.  I think He must have responded so naturally to every person with love.  He was the perfect validater and understander, yet still able to gently lay the truth out straight.  I still have to go through a big prepartory time before I can engage as wonderfully as He did.

Got a ways to go, but I'm trying.

Upward and onward,

Weekend at Lake Powell

26 June 2016

Ryan and I went to Lake Powell with Gary and Sandy.  We do a lot together, including monthly plays and frequent trips.  We pair really well together because Gary and Ryan like to do all the same things, as do Sandy and I.

This was my first time to Lake Powell!

On the way down, Ryan and I had a long and incredible discussion about politics and economic systems.  I LOVE talking with this guy.  His knowledge is so endless.  Who needs college when you can just marry a brainiac?  (Kidding; college is good.  As long as you don't feel the government should be paying for it - one of our political discussions).  I felt so enlightened after the conversation.  

We stayed overnight in Cedar City because Gary's truck was acting up (we drove down separately).  We found a nice airBnB unit and watched a movie and ate popcorn.  The next morning, I woke up and worked out in our bedroom.  The windows were open, and I watched a young couple weed their whole garden together in the same duration of time it took me to complete my work-out.  I loved it.

Then we set off to Lake Powell again.  When we arrived it was blistering hot!  We loaded up the boats with our camping gear, launched into the water, and sped through the canyons looking for a good campground.  It was a popular weekend, but we finally found a cove to settle.

We set up camp in the heat of the day (okay everyone else did while my pregnant body rested in the shade - one of the reasons I really like being pregnant).  Then we spent our weekend swimming, kayaking, boating, exploring, fishing, and reading.

It was still really hot at night, so Ryan and I would sleep with our tent windows open to let in the breeze.  It was really awesome to wake up and immediately see the beautiful Lake Powell walls.  One morning I even hiked up one of them.

One evening when were going to bed, the house boat right next to us decided to throw a party at 10 pm.  Ryan and I were saying a prayer when the new Justin Timberlake song was turned on the loudest volume possible.  Ryan continued to pray, but I surreptiously peered around him to see if there was some kind of a dance party.  Ryan stopped praying to see why I was so distracted.  No dance party.  Just a bunch of people wearing glow sticks sliding off their slide.  Probably naked.  I asked Ryan if the music was going to be a problem for him, and he replied that he wasn't ready for sleep yet, but hopefully when he was, they will have turned off their music.  Then one minute later, I heard his breathing get heavy.  Haha!  I stayed up listening to the music, until unrecognizable songs started playing, and then I put in my headphones and fell right asleep.

I had such a good time, and I'm really pleased that this trip is precedent for an annual Lake Powell trip with Gary and Sandy.  It has already been decided :)

Upward and onward,

Ryan preparing his boat in our beautiful jungle wonderland.  Also our front yard.

Our camp:
Ryan and I went kayaking around one of the lake's coves.  Got some good alone time :)) 

Then Gary and Sandy took a turn.

I LOVE this picture.  This was when the guys were fishing in little coves, and I was jumping in and out of the water.

Our camp at dinnertime.

** I am always really interested in black segregation and civil rights story's.  But this one was pretty uneventful.  Good for some light trip reading but not one I'd recommend or ever read again.
*** Pretty fascinating story of a girl joining the Civil War to be with her new husband.  I really enjoyed it!

Prego Positives

25 June 2016


I love being pregnant!  I love how it has slowed me down to a real healthy level of consciousness and living by the moment, instead of living life so fast-paced 

My soul was ready for this change. 

Also, I love putting the health of my body and the strength of it at the top of my priority list.  I love meditating daily on what I visualize life will be like as a mom and family.  I love heightening my intuition and spirit by deciding how I want my life to look, versus what people say is the norm. 

I love my pregnant body, my growing tummy, the way I feel so iconic when I walk in front of people with a pregnancy bump.  I love my heightened sensitivities.  The way animals or sentimental moments touch me more.

Upward and onward,

Weekend at Flaming Gorge

13 June 2016

Ryan and I went to Flaming Gorge with his business partner (Gary) and family.  It was their family reunion, so we're talking kids, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents.  But we were invited because Ryan is considered family since he and Gary do everything together, including run a business.

I was nervous about going because camping has potential to get uncomfortable real fast.  Especially when you're pregnant and sensitive to heat and restricted from a lot of foods because of UTI's and sleeping is an increasing unfortunate experience. 

But, wow.  Ryan went out of his way to really care of me.  

I came home from a midwife appointment and Ryan had bought all the food, necessary gear, and packed everything up, save my own bag of clothes.  I was so impressed with how prepared he was and how comfortable I was the whole trip.  We slept in a super nice tent with cots and thick pads.  And we ate dinner in our loveseat camp chair by flashlight.  It was so much fun!

During the days, Ryan, Gary, and all Gary's brothers would go fishing on the lake.  They had hired a guide, so they were catching extremely huge fish!  

And I thoroughly enjoyed my time back at camp.  I went for walks (the above picture is from one of my walks), did little work-outs, read, wrote in my journal, and hung out with Gary's wife and her daughters and grandkids back at camp.  

One afternoon, I met up with Ryan at the lake, and I spent the day on the boat with them while they fished.  I had such a good time.  Boating makes me stupid happy; I LOVE it!

We didn't take many pictures, but below is a picture of Ryan and the biggest fish he ever caught.  As well as sunsets on the lake.   

I really enjoyed camping with Ryan :)))  Our love and companionship feels so strong.

Upward and onward,

**** really engaging plot line.  Thriller and murder story.  With all the characters being full of bad habits and darkness, it was difficult to trust anyone, which intensified the story. 

Our Sweet Summer Scenes

05 June 2016

Every Sunday morning at 9:30 am, I watch the live broadcast of Music and the Spoken Word.  I love it!  I usually make breakfast while the show airs.  

And on this Sunday morning, Ryan and I made omelettes! (A hasty photo..)

Our front walkway.  Ryan and I love these purple flowers!  It's been a fun springtime, seeing what perennial plants keep popping up in our yard. 

Out on a Sunday walk.  This is the scene as you exit our neighborhood.  It makes me laugh because before leaving, you must stop at the stop sign and observe this sight - a one way sign pointing to the Draper temple.  HA!  Then as you proceed out of the neighborhood, you can see three temples.  So cool!

Another shot of the entry road to our neighborhood.  So gorgeous.

Another Sunday walk on the trails behind our home.  Such a peaceful place!

I found these diamond pieces for sale on a neighborhood yard sale site.  Ryan helped me paint them with outdoor spray and then hang them on the side of the home.  

I love them!!

Sitting on the beach of the reservoir, which is hidden in the mountains behind our house!  I love driving up here to read!

I love my handsome husband!  

Upward and onward,

Choosing the Energy of Your Mind

I was so taken aback by what she was saying.  I don't even want to write it down because I don't want to solidify those beliefs into my brain.  I have been reading about birth and studying it for the past month, shaping it into a beautiful, sacred, and incomparable experience.  And she spoke of it to me, completely unsolicited, through thunderous shrieking and swearing, throwing her disgust of birth all around the room, particularly about the way I've chosen to deliver.  And I hated it.  If I were ever to describe myself as aghast, it was in that moment.  I just stood there.  I waited for the thunder to stop, for her voice and opinions to finally subside, and then I slowly turned and sauntered off.  My heart felt sensitive.  The topics she chose to speak of so scornfully really mattered to me.  They had become the basis of my entire world lately.  Of what I study and ponder every day.  The beginning solstice of mother and child.  The divine entrance of life.  The fluidity of spirit transferring spirit.  I love finding such magnificence in something and pouring myself into it daily, and I want to protect that.

She came to apologize later, and I received it warmly.  I never felt personally affronted; I just didn't want her thoughts to attach with me.  Nora called me after her nap and spoke to me clearly and boldly about the situation, taking strong stance next to where I stood in regards to birth.  I greatly appreciate her ability to console me and strengthen me in one big swoop.

I've worked hard to build belief sets and thoughts that play to the higher regions of the mind.  I know Satan plays to the lower regions of the mind and tries to surreptitiously draw people there, causing us to think in little ways and feel stifling emotions.  And I have a very impressionable mind, for better and for worse, and I can be lured into the muck of downward energy.  Incredibly, I married a man with the mind of steel.  Nothing thwarts him, sways him, or lulls him downward.  I have felt so blessed in his example.  But I've still had to do my own work in choosing to actively live by higher vibrations for my mind and soul.

So when I came to work and listened numbly to such thoughts on birth, I felt that sense of misalignment.  The feeling I get when something doesn't hold the higher energy or higher vibration that I'd like to fill my mind with.  And the general belief set of that whole office is "Life is struggle.  Pain and suffering is in every situation."  Which cause the most passive aggressive approaches to not empowering oneself over a situation, but just feeling completely justified nestling into bitter complaints.  And that belief set is one that does not pair with me at all.  Not because pain doesn't exist in the world.  Not being I want to be ignorant to it.  But because you pick the vibration by which you want to live.  And I want to live by a really high energy.  One that causes me to think beyond and above problems.  To have such clarity in thought and draw on wise sources.  To feel the good vibrations in people and situations, even when mishaps or weaknesses occur.  And with motherhood upon me,  I feel even more drawn to establishing a high vibration.  So baby girl can develop inside of it, and then be born into a household and family that practices it.  Strong thoughts, strong life. 

I am not only making birthing decisions, according to the best spirit and intellect I can draw from myself, in moments when I am thinking confidently and with clarity from God.  I am also working so hard to build up a powerful spiritual force and momentum for my calling in motherhood.  I am determined to hone this skill as I lead and teach a little girl.  I want her to know that high, empowering spiritual feeling from the start.

Little baby girl, God has offered us a way to live by a higher conduct, so we will.  And as we do, our thoughts and views and reactions will be higher, like His.  As such, life will be richer and more beautiful for you, and you will have more outreach, be more compassionate, more fair, and more forgiving.  It's how we choose to be our best selves.

You will be shamelessly raised on good vibes, and your entrance into this world will be founded in them too.

Upward and onward,

This looks so much like sleeping Ryan to me, and I love it so so much!

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My Week - In Diary-Like Snippets

03 June 2016


I was so proud of Ryan and myself.  We had a real, come-to-Jesus talk, which we had been prefaced by a nice sunny drive, and a stop for a peach smoothie and fruit tart.  I think that really opened our senses.  And then we talked really openly about some "reactionary habits that you may or may not be aware but could use a little improvement."  And I felt very proud of us.  I thanked Ryan for the good feedback opportunities , even though yeah, it still held the sting of honest self-reflection.  And we even talked about how we felt on the brim of shame, but we backed each other away from the edge and said there was no need for shame.  We are a family that does better when the time comes for your eyes and ears and hearts to open a little wider, and we don't beat up our past selves.


Ryan and I drove to a golf course in Cedar Hills.  I love drives, and my my favorite drives are in his big truck.  I open right up like it's a therapy couch.  I reassessed where I'm at in this interesting transition between career woman and soon-to-be mom.  Except, as I settle into this slower life, I have feelings of guilt.  The time I spend preparing for motherhood doesn't feel as productive as my billable rate at work.  Ryan stopped me and told me to never feel that way. "Let's make a promise to each other.He said.  "We are not allowed to feel guilty when we are doing what we need."  And I really liked that promise.  I loved that he said that!  Guilt-free living!  Sure takes a lot of my back.  That's always been something I've admired about Ryan.  He's never had the guilt plague. 


Ryan and I went to the temple to do initiatories.  I loved every moment of it.  I have sloowed my life down way down, and I was really able to just sit there.  Sit there so peacefully and happily with a big grin across my face.  I love the Spirit and temple work and promises and blessings.  I loved seeing Ryan in the waiting room after we were done with work, and walking hand-in-hand back to his truck.  I'm really, really glad we get to be together.


We went on a date to an Indian restaurant a couple towns over.  We sat on the same side of the bench, sitting closely.  Indian food is special because it forces the demand of your senses in such a unique way.  That's a brilliant form of mindfulness meditation.  We ate, swooned over the flavors, and left feeling so satisfied.  And as it turns out, we accidentally parked in a handicap spot...  But I told Ryan that was okay, because in some places, they include pregnant women on the signs for priority handicap parking. 


Ryan and I spent a quiet day in the leisure of our choice.  He went fishing with his business partner, and I indulged in working out, journaling, meditating, reading, and working on the house.  Then he came home, cooked up his fish for us to eat, and he helped me with the small number of home repairs that I was unable to complete by myself.  I loved watching him work.  It was a perfect day for each of us.

Upward and onward,

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