My Week - In Diary-Like Snippets

03 June 2016


I was so proud of Ryan and myself.  We had a real, come-to-Jesus talk, which we had been prefaced by a nice sunny drive, and a stop for a peach smoothie and fruit tart.  I think that really opened our senses.  And then we talked really openly about some "reactionary habits that you may or may not be aware but could use a little improvement."  And I felt very proud of us.  I thanked Ryan for the good feedback opportunities , even though yeah, it still held the sting of honest self-reflection.  And we even talked about how we felt on the brim of shame, but we backed each other away from the edge and said there was no need for shame.  We are a family that does better when the time comes for your eyes and ears and hearts to open a little wider, and we don't beat up our past selves.


Ryan and I drove to a golf course in Cedar Hills.  I love drives, and my my favorite drives are in his big truck.  I open right up like it's a therapy couch.  I reassessed where I'm at in this interesting transition between career woman and soon-to-be mom.  Except, as I settle into this slower life, I have feelings of guilt.  The time I spend preparing for motherhood doesn't feel as productive as my billable rate at work.  Ryan stopped me and told me to never feel that way. "Let's make a promise to each other.He said.  "We are not allowed to feel guilty when we are doing what we need."  And I really liked that promise.  I loved that he said that!  Guilt-free living!  Sure takes a lot of my back.  That's always been something I've admired about Ryan.  He's never had the guilt plague. 


Ryan and I went to the temple to do initiatories.  I loved every moment of it.  I have sloowed my life down way down, and I was really able to just sit there.  Sit there so peacefully and happily with a big grin across my face.  I love the Spirit and temple work and promises and blessings.  I loved seeing Ryan in the waiting room after we were done with work, and walking hand-in-hand back to his truck.  I'm really, really glad we get to be together.


We went on a date to an Indian restaurant a couple towns over.  We sat on the same side of the bench, sitting closely.  Indian food is special because it forces the demand of your senses in such a unique way.  That's a brilliant form of mindfulness meditation.  We ate, swooned over the flavors, and left feeling so satisfied.  And as it turns out, we accidentally parked in a handicap spot...  But I told Ryan that was okay, because in some places, they include pregnant women on the signs for priority handicap parking. 


Ryan and I spent a quiet day in the leisure of our choice.  He went fishing with his business partner, and I indulged in working out, journaling, meditating, reading, and working on the house.  Then he came home, cooked up his fish for us to eat, and he helped me with the small number of home repairs that I was unable to complete by myself.  I loved watching him work.  It was a perfect day for each of us.

Upward and onward,

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